The Weed Witch

lmao 'adult content

i thought it was bad when i was at an adult summer camp and there was a gentleman playing acoustic guitar in a baja hoodie and i said 'oh it's THE GUY' and he wasn't actually being ironic and got sad

... to the bar? i.... what...

i'm not about shaming someone for their looks, i'm about shame him for WHY WOULD YOU INTENTIONALLY SHOW ME A PICTURE OF YOUR EX?? as though i'm going to compete with anyone

they'll fuck any woman alive (or before rigor mortis sets in) was a thought i had today and i didn't even question it

Spit Take GIF Alt: Ludacris spit laughing in FF

the scream i skrumpt!

did that guy ever learn how to Dougie?

Can't babe, I need to go ask the mechanic what these emojis on my dashboard mean.

Toby

men will wear hockey pads in public to kidnap and disappear immigrants instead of go to therapy

this (hangovers not feral 2yos) is why i prefer cannabis seltzers (not assuming yours are more feral than standard!)

a hedgehog is walking through a field of grass . Alt: a hedgehog is walking through a field of grass .

hedgehogs!

did you know you can roast them like a marshmallow for savory cracker s'mores???

I Am Legally Obligated to Play Billy Joel’s “River of Dreams” at Least Once During Your Dental Appointment You probably don’t hear “River of Dreams” much anymore. It’s never on the radio, and no one is streaming that song of their own free will. But here...

"There are several reasons that a dentist might have their license revoked, including unprofessional conduct, substance abuse, or refusing to play 'The River of Dreams' in the office once per appointment."

Does "humans are more closely related to bread mold than thale cress flowers" sound right

I've got Seasonal Affective Punching Some Jerk In the Face.

Bottle of organic liquid thyme

RIP Jim Croce you would have loved this product.

Fall Creek Falls State Park. Waterfall surrounded by Fall colors.

Fall Creek Falls in the Fall.

the pebbled path from my front door lined by bright green bushes and orange fallen leaves. a tree with leaves of all colors stands on the lawn in front of a stone walled parking lot. the lyrics posted are from untouchable face by ani difranco.

think i'm going for a walk now
feel a little unsteady
don't want nobody to follow me
except maybe you

i could make you happy, you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

Absolutely wild that in 1999 we were dreading Y2K and now wiping out the world’s computing systems would feel like finally exhaling

Initial here, here, and here, then sign here on this release form and I’ll make you feel something real.

Imagine being such a gullible rube that you actually believe we have nationally representative sperm count data from TEENAGERS.

More Halloween costume ideas:
- exhausted pile of leaves
- bubblegum vape cloud
- a person who likes milkshakes
- a Little Free Library that passes out banned books
- sexy nightmare

The hole in a guitar is traditionally used to store soft cheeses and dried meats which are fed to the drummer when he does a good job

Home Goods or Barnes & Noble

You, an amateur: *reading the tea leaves

Me, a professional: *smoking the weed leaves

Reverse Cowgirl Mortgage

He said he wanted to be treated like a king. So they poisoned him and wiped out his lineage as well