Littlest Baby

Getting med-evacced from survivor for choking on one of the puzzle pieces

Waitress: How’s everyone doing? I’m Stacy. Our special tonight is salmon

Tim Robinson character: No thanks. I was duct taped to a chair and fed anchovies til I threw up as a kid. I’ll have the chicken

Screaming Guy Rolling Down Hill In Wheelchair Hopefully Part Of Olympics

Fumbling in the dark I accidentally grab my knife by the blade and thrust the handle weakly into an intruder’s chest, cutting all my fingers to the bone. While being killed I say something reddit like “milk was a bad choice”

I would volunteer which I think would make me instantly well liked and then I wouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow

Going through old drawings on my phone and feel like this one has real potential

All these ai startups are ridiculous. I’ll be making my millions the old fashioned way. By inventing smoking for dogs

I’m in the Olympics skiing between all the poles but accidentally straddling them and they’re all slapping me hard in the nuts. They’re doing the freeze frame zoom in thing and my eyes are crossed

It rules that one halftime show was about loving and taking care of each other and the other was about drinking beer and christians chose the beer side

He also 100% faked his assassination attempt by blading his ear WWE style, which means he also had people killed that day to make it look real. I’m not sure why more people haven’t come around to that yet

They want kids to only socialize on call of duty, where they teach each other to be racist while practicing for the wars they’re gonna be forced to fight

My crotch long like Olympic level ski jumper
When they fit my suit you know I make my shit plumper

getting shot in the head with a sniper and my body launches into a perfect backflip and lands upright leaning against the wall in a cunty position. The soldier who shot me has nightmares about it every day until killing his wife and then himself on March 28, 2043

In fact once Dems get in they PURPOSELY don’t sort it out because they think they need the problem to still exist in order to get reelected!

Me too as well

Breaking: DHS Reveals the Leader of Antifa

To: adam@evehusband.net
From: jeevacation@gmail.com[jeevacation@gmail.com]
Sent: Sun 01/01/-4004bc 01:03:09 a.m.
Subject: apple

you gnona eat that applle? othrwise i will eat. look delciciios

Every single ad on youtube now is either AI, crypto, or dog cremation services

We used to play with a guy named HOOF ARTED. We thought it was so funny. I hope it wasn’t him

Everyone please stop liking this. I’ve realized I said implemented instead of implicated and now every like is bringing me great shame

Reality show pitch: we send everyone in the Epstein files back to the island with no food and no way of leaving. Whichever one survives the longest wins the grand prize: getting to go to prison for the rest of their life

(Moaning, heart monitor going ape shit, vitals going crazy) Bigger! I need it bigger!

(Surgeon pouring sweat with a bike pump attached straight to the hole) It’s gonna blowwww!

Never heard of him til this recent stuff where he seems to be fine. What did he do in the past to make everyone hate him so much?

Crying and panicking trying to shove it all back in: Oh fuck fuck omg shit omg fuck

It would be really funny if the only reason bill gates was implemented in all this is because epstein was trying to get blackmail material so he could spin it into an xbox live ban reversal

10/10

perma wriggle field

Sadly I’d almost be impressed if they even did that much. As it is now I think they’d be more likely to just say stay awake til midterms

We wish we could do something but you have to understand! Groceries cost more than ever! And that’s why if you vote for us in 2028 we promise to tell you how hard it is to make groceries cheaper even though we really want to 😔