Rob Cee

A Star Trek movie where the Federation emerges triumphant in the end after discovering and exploiting the Klingons' greatest weakness: a crippling peanut allergy.

Reached for comment, Frankie said "Relax."

I fear missing out on new innovations in disposable coffee cups. Yep, it's called styrofomo.

Oh, fear not- I've got that too.

I have ADHD and depression, which means the only thing I can ever focus on is how much I suck.

they just set up air raid sirens in my town that go off whenever someone desperately needs their dick sucked

Sorry I called an orphanage "the baby pound."

Bought a Yoo-hoo at the gas station today because apparently it's 1987.

When I was 6, my dad put stars on the ceiling of my room to make me feel insignificant

Can’t go to bed because I’m doing an experiment where I stay exhausted for my entire life

There's no way liberty was invented by this statue.

Oscar The Grouch seems like a guy who doesn't believe in banks.

You know how you leave your tooth under your pillow for the tooth fairy, what do you get if it’s a kidney stone?

Full contact literary criticism.

Ran out of things to say but probably gonna be alive for another 40-50 years, this sucks

If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.

Once I started pronouncing baseline like Vaseline, things just really seemed to fall into place for me.

Couldn’t afford to open a real haunted house, so now I just charge kids 5 bucks to walk into my shed while I pound on the walls and yell at them.

Sorry I repeatedly elbowed you in the ribs while saying "Nudgey-nudgey, good and fudgy."

The term "step ladder" implies the existence of both ladder marriages and ladder divorces.

Sorry I called an orphanage "the baby pound."

I fear missing out on new innovations in disposable coffee cups. Yep, it's called styrofomo.

I want to trust my inner voice, but when my inner voice talks, it pronounces R's like W's.

A Star Trek movie where the Federation emerges triumphant in the end after discovering and exploiting the Klingons' greatest weakness: a crippling peanut allergy.

Friend wanted to repay me for a purchase but I don’t have Venmo or Zelle. I have Mordor, the app where you send cash by dropping magical rings into an evil volcano

I don't go on vacations-- I get invasive surgical procedures.

My look is "computer guy" but my brain is "lips move while he reads"

Some of us do it for the love of the game.

Reporting for duty... er, doody.

But officer, these are my sex khakis.