Canuck Kewpiepants

Dear Celebrities,

JK Rowling has explicitly stated that the money she is making from Harry Potter projects is going directly into anti-trans activities. So no, no you are not a big supporter of trans people if your celebrity is being paid for to raise funds for that rancid TERF to ruin trans lives.

Dear Lucy,

You are such a bad movie, and so ridiculous, and yet I love you. I love you BECAUSE you’re so bad, and so ridiculous.

Thankfully my love extends only to movies like you, and not to people like you. But there are far too many people like you. I want bad and ridiculous in movie form only.

Most Alberta conservatives do not want to separate. MAGAlbertans want to separate. That’s a small but loud minority. The fact thar Danielle Smith recently stated she would drop the idea of creating an Alberta Pension Plan because most Albertans don’t want it means that Danielle Smith knows it too.

Can we have a referendum to separate from Danielle Smith please?

I Ran for the NDP and Lost. We Need to Change | The Tyee After a disastrous election, progressives must reinvent the party. Here are six ideas.

I Ran for the NDP and Lost. We Need to Change via @thetyee.ca thetyee.ca/Analysis/202...

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. - Wikipedia

Good news, no one needs to list any of RFK Jr's ridiculous claims or enumerate all the ways he is wrong. The autistics over at Wikipedia have covered it in exquisite yet irreproachable detail. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_....

A quote highlighted in yellow that reads “If you get on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station; the longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be."

This post is not about trains.

They are not men. That definitely makes you a bigot. End of discussion. I don’t waste my time on TERFs. They have nothing important to say about anything.

I’m a woman. I’m British. You’re definitely a bigot. And I have the right to say so.

This Supreme Court ruling was in direct contravention to the Human Rights Act and will do nothing but give permission for yet more violence against an already deeply vulnerable group. How dare the Guardian give this TERF any space at all? It’s outright bigotry, and endangers EVERY woman’s life.

The addition of Caroline Waldegrave as a new judge for the Great British Bake-off finally answers that age-old question: “What if beige became a person?”

Article: pressreader.com/article/2816...

Toronto Star news article from April 5, 2025 with the headline “Trump launches golden age of stupid”

From the April 5 Toronto Star.

Best. Headline. Ever.

(Link in comments)

Dear Canadians,

This war by the United States against Canada is not going to be fought with soldiers. It will be fought with propaganda. The primary targets will be young people with little hope for the future, who will be hit even harder by American tariffs. Talk to them. Protect them.

Apparently someone informed the White House that Australian territory the Heard and McDonald Islands had imposed a 10% tariff on American goods. So the White House retaliated with its own 10% tariff, in spite of the fact that these islands have no exports and, you know, no people.
2/2

Trump as a giant penguin signing an executive order while being given a thumbs up by his team.

Yesterday, on Liberation Day, America’s Great Overripe Cantaloupe Leader imposed a 10% tariff on an Antarctic island chain populated entirely by penguins.

No, I am no joking. Yes, it’s real.
1/2

Am I the only one extremely anxious that the Overripe Canteloupe is calling today Liberation Day, a day when all he was apparently going to do was announce the tariffs we all knew were coming?

I’m sure it’s deliberate, a tacit threat to the countries in target of what’s potentially to come.

As a non-American, this weird sort of religiosity around support of political parties is really creepy. Why the hell wouldn’t you criticise horrible political decisions, no matter who makes them? Why wouldn’t you demand your political reps actually represent you? These are not gods, just people.

Dear Americans,

The truth about the tariffs. This has nothing to do with the United States “punishing” Canada for non-existent crimes against America. This is about taking our country and our resources in the most underhanded way possible. It’s attempted theft.

Ed Gein’s tagline!

Same thing happened in Sweden in 2022. The Sweden Democrats were founded by Nazis sympathizers - they got the third most votes. Austria just had a far right party win the most votes. And Italy is fascist. Many North Americans think that Western Europeans are all socialist. They really aren’t.

Dear Me,

You have microscopic colitis.

You also have a wife who cooks things.

Things like, oh, delicious ham and lentil soup.

No matter how much you love your wife, or her cooking, this does not give her magical powers.

Those lentils are gonna wreck you.

Yours Excruciatingly,

Your Colon

Young women with a bald head and stubble, showing a large C-shaped scar closed with 60 staples running across the top of her head.

And boy, was it a look.

Dear Brain,

32 years ago, you made me a new person — or the split brain surgery to remove a tumour did. Whatever. You helped give me a cool style few have emulated. To be fair, stapling one’s head 60 times for a look could be considered a bit extreme.

Thanks for the memor—oh wait.

Also, completely and totally unrelated to this, I have dropped my keys on the floor while grooving with my wife and am now never leaving my home again because I can’t lock the door anymore.

I’m on tonight
And my hips don’t like
boy I need a replacement now

- Shakira, if she had become famous at 55

If you decide to take a break from social media, don't announce it. Instead, make your last post something
interesting like, "Guys, there's the cutest family of black bears over there. I'm gonna go grab a photo. brb."

jesus christ just tell us if it’s maybelline