Eternal Samnation

A dozen rather disturbing-looking frog-shaped cupcakes on display in a tray.

make your kid’s birthday party a special one they’ll be talking about in therapy for years to come

🎵hold me closer, tiny hamster

Hamster standing upright on the green roof of a toy house, reaching up with three other hamsters looking up at it.

“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”

A squirrel in armor.

“Great, now I have to pee.”

A horse looks out from the window of a brick apartment building.

Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.

Malamute (or husky) sitting on a couch, legs folded over the arm, smiling.

my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is

Two turkeys stand outside the front door of what appears to be a suburban home.

Every year about this time, Leonard and Estelle went to go stay with her sister Carol in Toronto until the heat died down.

A black and white cat hanging upside down from a scratching post, looking at the camera with wide eyes.

Dawn had to keep reminding herself that this was just temporary, and she was only doing it to put herself through law school.

A cat is gripping the steering wheel of a car, looking in the direction of an unseen passenger and appearing to speak.

"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."

A Zoom meeting screen with several participants displayed at the top. Below, a gray cat is sitting at a table, raising one paw as if participating in the meeting. The setting includes a granite tabletop and chairs.

“Now, I’ll pass things off to Jasper, who’s put together a PowerPoint for us. Jasper?”

“Thanks Jim, morning everyone.“

A turkey is fenced in behind a sign on a post reading “LLAMA.”

Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.

A very guilty-looking chocolate lab sits in front of two loaves of (pumpkin?) bread. One has been partially eaten.

“It wasn’t me.”
“I have several witnesses.”
“They’re mistaken.”
“We found crumbs in your fur.”
“You planted those there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m being framed.”
“Listen, pal-“
“Lawyer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I want my lawyer.”
“I don’t think-“
“Listen, buddy, I’ve got rights.”

A puppy and a raccoon standing face to face with the raccoon touching the puppy's snout.

"Let's go over this one more time."
"I know what-"
"ONE MORE TIME."
"Fine."
"What is it you're looking for?"
"A garbage bag."
"In which room?"
"The kitchen."
"What do you do when you find it?"
"Bring it to you here."
"I'm counting on you, Tim."

Imprint in the snow hanging from the eave of a roof made by a bird in flight.

Wile E. Pigeon

Sign on a library book drop sign requesting people to yell "NOT A SQUIRREL" to confirm they are human and not a squirrel trying to steal Keith's lunch.

squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith

The filling in a lemon raspberry loaf on a bakery shelf created the appearance of a content, smiling face.

Larry the loaf enjoying a few blissful moments, unaware that this was to be the last day of his relatively short life.

A brown fancy rat, facing the camera, grasps the corner of an open book. The facing page contains German text.

"You don't speak German, Tom."
"Well, you can't really talk, Martin."
"Touché."

Two foxes appear to be laughing.

“My dad is so old…”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”

A large fluffy white dog with a large stainless bowl on their head.

“This isn’t funny, Frank. Turn the lights back on.”

A chalkboard sign with the text "NO SOUP ON ROOF" is mounted on a brick wall beside a potted plant.

it’s true, i looked

Two people on a scooter. The person on the back has stacked tires around their torso.

“You drive, I’m tired.”

A small bird wrapped in a tortilla, resembling a burrito.

“Are the cops gone?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks buddy, I owe you one.”

pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no

A overweight cat is sitting on a broken bench in a park with greenery and buildings in the background.

“Not one word, Barbara.”

A black and white cat is inside a house, looking out of a window at an orange tabby cat with a collar, which is standing on its hind legs and appearing to angrily shout through the glass.

“Tell Alice I just want to talk!”
“She doesn’t want to see you, Carl.”

Water runs out into the hallway from under an apartment’s door.

i dated a girl like that once

[restaurant]

ME: I’m meeting my blind date here.
HOSTESS: Do you have reservations?
ME: Yes, but my friend tells me she’s very nice.

Overhead electronic road sign reads "WINTER CONDITIONS, DRIVE WITH CAKE."

live every moment as if it’s your last

An Amazon locker with the name tag "hello, my name is enis.”

brb need to find a sharpie

[first date]

ME: How do you spend your free time?

HER: I read a lot. I enjoy studying the big questions. Like... Do we have free will? Does God exist? Is our universe real? What do you think about?

ME: I've always wondered how Dumbo's hat stayed on when he was flying.