max fine Albany | oct 11

Preparation is key

I’m too fucked up to know if this is how I say it

I fuckin LOVE Incubus, dude

The Riyadh Comedy Festival will have been worth it when the crown prince reveals that he is actually The Elephant Graveyard

Was walking down 14th street and I saw a guy with a Phish shirt. I held up my hand for a high five as we walked by eachother and I said “thank you, Mr. Miner,” to which he gave me a confused look and replied, “wrong guy, my name is John”

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but instead of boycotting Disney, shouldn’t our elected leaders fucking do literally anything?

I don't mean to brag, but I used to hang with some real garbage people.

ATLANTA TONIGHT AT ONWARD THEATRE 8PM

$10

I AM JIMMY KIMMEL

Someone had to do it

This is so hyper specific but every time I listen to the Okonokos version of Lay Low, when he says “pass out on the bedroom floor,” what I hear is, “gettin’ high on the doo doo boat.”

Been thinking this for like 15 years. It’s 2:33am.

Do your mental health a favor and turn this on for today. You really don't want to watch this. It is awful.

the number of times in modern history when violence has become an increasingly normal part of politics and it's been a good thing that folks are happy about looking back on it, they're very limited

For about 3 months every year, I’m a full time comedian. For the other 9, I am a janitor with a dream that pays sometimes.

Ugh, a bird just came on me. Only in New York!

Took myself out on a date to an Italian restaurant that was empty. As soon as I sat at the bar and ordered a phony negroni, the bartender put on the “This is Elliott Smith” playlist. Best meal I’ve ever had.

Me, having never auditioned or submitted for SNL: “I wonder if they’re gonna call”

Make no mistake, I absolutely want to take away your guns

Sex with me is like pizza. I usually come in a box.

I am 33 years old and I have never had more than $2,500 in my bank account

Here are 5 albums I’m listening to this week, send me yours.

1. Bear Vs. Shark - Terrorhawk
2. Dijon - Baby
3. Elvis - Speedway
4. The Band - The Last Waltz
5. Coheed and Cambria - The Second Stage Turbine Blade

Relationsh*t! Hosted by Lynn Bixenspan and Morgan Pielli, Relationshit features a mix of stories about all kinds of relationships and good old-fashioned new-fangled advice from REAL-LIFE THERAPISTS ONSTAGE. Featuri...

Oh hey!

Relationshit, my storytelling and onstage therapy show with real therapists is happening this Saturday the 23rd at 5pm at QED in Astoria!

Featuring:
David Lawson
@mattstorrs.bsky.social
@maxfine.bsky.social
Wilson McDermut

AND MORE?!

qedastoria.com/products/rel...

Hello ladies- it would seem that they’re filming The Devil Wears Prada 2 on my block this week if anyone wants to have sex with me

Y’all called me crazy when I voted for Cynthia Nixon in the 2018 race for governor. You laughed at me. But if you all got your shit together we could have avoided And Just Like That AND Andrew Cuomo.

🤌

I believe there was only one Cosmo ordered in the entire run of AJLT

Sickening. Every journalist in America should think deeply about the fact that most American politicians are willing to accept and indeed facilitate the murder of our colleagues.

I miss him

Kieran Culkin probably thinks I’m so cool for not acknowledging him at the bodega

After two years, I redownloaded the dating apps. On my third swipe, I saw my ex-girlfriend. I’ll give this a shot again in 2027.

Doctor said I have high falutin