Space Moddity (they/them)

The open mouthed, silent scream of a cornered possum one stumbles upon. Did it curse me?

I'll always cherish our time together, quietly judging you.

No way Plato could have predicted people would pay $14.95/month to voluntarily go back in the cave

“You’re the most you person there is,” my partner tells me.

I nod slowly. “Really paid off destroying the others and harvesting their essence.”

Me, starting my work day: alright, let's get this bread

My boss (who is secretly a duck): HELL YEAH LET'S GOOOO

Movie theater

Me: pass the popcorn

Monster under my seat:
ya know…there's nothing wrong with going places alone

If you leave your car parked across the sidewalk I’m going to phase through it and I’m going to steal everything I can while I’m in there

"I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, making two pieces of bread pretend to kiss.

I was thinking the opposite of that famous Peanuts line would be, “Sadness is a cold puppy” but even for me that’s a little dark.

🏆

But also,

😭

If rfk jr. and jkr had a baby they would be named rjfkkr jr. jr. and they'd be a monster

ME: [Watching Jack slide off the door to his death in Titanic] She left her boyfriend for a buoyfriend lol

WIFE: *crying* I hate you so much.

ADHD stands for "Always Doing Home Decorating".

That makes sense.

It's not a funny little pinwheel hat it's my serious little weather vane hat, I just got a job on top of the mall at wind direction on a stick

Great. Now I'm sexually attracted to pancakes ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

i bet for the pancake the melting butter and warm syrup gently sliding all over it feels really good in the moment

First date idea: come and pick me up at the airport

BREAKING NEWS: Eric Trump devastated to learn White House Ballroom will be a formal event space and not a giant ball pit.

Not enough John Irving fans here on the Bluesky-dot-com imho

London tube: Mind the gap.

London anorexic: Mind the thigh gap.

London Dave Letterman impersonator: Mind the tooth gap.

London clothes retailer: Mind The Gap.

London John Irving fan: Mind the Garp.

All this talk about "generative AI", I want to hear more about "degenerative AI"

I want an AI that inspires people to loiter on street corners in leather jackets, looking tough, and quoting Jack Keroauc

I got a COVID booster and a flu shot today, both in my left arm. And as I did it, I was on the phone with RFK Jr. I told him about it. He cried and wet his pants. I could hear the sound of his peeing. It was quite a healthy flow of urine for a man his age.

At the park & I was walking toward a lady with a Peter Pan collar & a I-assumed-ironic argyle sweater & aviator sunglasses with a totally forgettable pal & then she said hi & asked if she could talk to me about the scriptures* & I was like, “gay & late…but I fully support your look.”

Um. That sentence made me feel funny? I think I might be attracted to toads? ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

feels like the world could really use a loch ness sighting right now

ME: [walks into a darkened room of people holding hands around a table] what are you guys doing

PSYCHIC: *whispers* seance

ME: ance

You should be able to find jobs by searching "guy who shows up on time and generally does what he's supposed to"

The escaped Cirque du Soleil acrobats living in the woods are building their winter nests, in case you're wondering what happened to all the wiring in your car.

Sexy Stephan Pastis and Bill Watterson collaboration

Mrs. Doubtfire and The Golden Girls.

a golden girls tv/movie crossover: thread