Zsa Zsa Gabortion

When the hotdog cart man wants to know how many glizzies I want, but it’s spooky szn

Sorry for bothering you with my unconditional love bro

Sorry I got drunk and asked to see your badonk-a-donks

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I was the first person on the internet back in the good twitter days that said “I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings”

HBO out here selling my new show, the Guilded Cage based off my indoor only cat that refuses to believe he can’t survive outside

The cat is the main character of this vintage show: The Ghoet Hisspereror. Jennifer Love also stars.

I call my poops Ladoodoos now

A voice only dating site:
Hooked Up On Phonics

Yabos is probably the best word ever made up for a film and I will not be swayed otherwise.

Shania Law just sounds like a really good greatest hits album by a queen

The cats are getting topical. It’s a scripted reality show that exists solely to outrage: Eggs.

My brother cats that didn’t go to the vet at the same time: family feud

Friend: I’m vegan.

Me: out of respect, I don’t listen to animals.

Friend: what?

Me; what? Who’s there??

My air fryer is the only thing that truly understands me

Lmao at that “for all America” commercial that Fox News aired

The POFUS were on to something talking about Sun-soakin' bulges in the shade

It’s a show about cats who are presented with different blankets and the drama surrounding which one will be the best to make biscuits: Game of Throws

One of my friends is getting a new refrigerator today and I have the strangest mix of excitement for them while being so completely jealous. Adult emotions are weird.

Another new show where it cats rediscovered their toys. Found.

It’s me giving my cats a heavy sprinkle of catnip and now their self realization: step up

In case it becomes illegal, I plan to be the gayest I can be until I have to go back in the closet to not be killed

Even with all the internet had to offer with respect to translation, I still have no idea what the Macarena song actually is saying

Nobody is seeing this chain. It’s fine. But a cat that’s writes a top 40 adult contemporary hit that’s called Careless Pspspsps

My fav part of gender/sexuality debates is the ones against it are the most unfuckable scum walking the Earth.

They’re a cat, but they’re about to drop a vintage 80s vibe track: Careless Whisker

The cat loves old music but hates pollinators. Catthoven.

She’s a demure kitty that knows her worth, but she also wants to be a mom: Kitty Kitty Bang Bang

He’s a cat that has an owner (me) that adheres to a strict feeding schedule: The Brutalist

He’s a cat that has dietary restrictions that he refuses to adhere to: Hacks