Siri, my friends form an alert circle around me when anything bad happens. Am I a young elephant?
15.04.2025 17:24 — 👍 632 🔁 135 💬 15 📌 1
1991: fighting with five siblings for use of a single landline
2025: we all refuse to answer our cell phones
15.04.2025 17:44 — 👍 512 🔁 147 💬 8 📌 2
Safe to say this won't make the canadian geese any friendlier.
15.04.2025 23:25 — 👍 147 🔁 69 💬 4 📌 0
The Budweiser horses just pissed and shit all over my front yard.
25.12.2023 22:37 — 👍 32 🔁 12 💬 4 📌 0
I’ll set myself on fire tomorrow and claim I’m baked Alaska.
15.11.2023 03:15 — 👍 30 🔁 18 💬 0 📌 0
A fireside chat about babygirl’s tasty li’l butthole.
15.11.2023 14:32 — 👍 7 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0
Just got a new tab on here called, “Popular with other morons.”
15.11.2023 17:35 — 👍 69 🔁 31 💬 0 📌 0
*extreme opera singer voice
🎶DEPRESSION!
DEPRESSION!
DEPRESSION!🎶
01.09.2023 19:06 — 👍 17 🔁 8 💬 0 📌 0
Pirogi body, kielbasa heart.
01.09.2023 21:49 — 👍 63 🔁 34 💬 2 📌 0
Many folks live their entire life without owning any donut-related apparel.
02.09.2023 16:30 — 👍 33 🔁 20 💬 0 📌 1
Are married men still single here?
23.07.2023 13:07 — 👍 12 🔁 9 💬 0 📌 0
Sure, Billy Joel can make love to his tonic and gin but when I do it, I get a PH imbalance and a lifetime ban.
22.07.2023 21:50 — 👍 28 🔁 14 💬 0 📌 0
I want to be a porn bot when I grow up
13.07.2023 23:55 — 👍 15 🔁 12 💬 2 📌 0
“hey” with the intention of drinking nothing but your titty-milk from now on.
23.07.2023 12:22 — 👍 5 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0
Motherfuckers just want to be sad everywhere I guess
19.07.2023 22:35 — 👍 34 🔁 15 💬 2 📌 1
if i ever send a “just checking in on you” text it means i’m tryna look at titties but we ain’t talked for a while.
19.07.2023 22:31 — 👍 22 🔁 9 💬 2 📌 1
I'm funny. I just don't show it because I'm humble. I'm also highly intelligent. And humble.
🇵🇸🇷🇺
La crème de la crème (patissière)
👉 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xiql7unalmesci5sgalfj6on/feed/aaae4ledalxss
writer of jokes
fighter of life
more doof ⤵️
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaabi4esw755k
Just a dreamer searching for light and love spreading good vibes.Trying to find my people in this crazy virtual world.
Find my posts here: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3xjhrha5pxd26bgh3btndkgh/feed/aaadutka3l2oo
I run on coffee, music, sarcasm and the obsessive use of fuck
Latest novel: THE GREAT AMERICAN BETRAYAL "Best Comedy Books of 2022" —Vulture
English professor, novelist, satirist, father, husband, dog owner, gardener, liker of good beer
https://scottsteinonline.com
TV writer. Author of the novels THE PAYBACK and THE SURVIVALISTS. Deadly with a butter knife.
Order THE PAYBACK here 👉🏾 https://kashanacauley.com
https://static.macmillan.com/static/holt/robin/
I enjoy pie.
Social Media FAQ: https://whatever.scalzi.com/2025/04/16/the-official-john-scalzi-social-media-faq/
Satire is my business. NY Times bestselling author of 19 novels, including Lamb, Fool, Noir, Razzmatazz, and Anima Rising (released May 2025).
Executive Producer, Last Week Tonight. Friend to nearly all the animals.
Gary Shteyngart is a book writer.
garyshteyngart.substack.com
http://facebook.com/shteyngart
Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, 12 Books, Writer, New Audio Project with Jon Hamm, John Waters, Rhea Seehorn, Bobby Moynihan, STANLAND, on Sonar Network https://www.stanlandseries.com/
https://mikesacks.com
Editor of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. Dominator of waiting rooms. Fragile fan of the Dolphins, Sixers, and Red Sox.
🎨I’m a cartoonist with a comic strip called Tales of Absurdity. I’m also playing with animation. Let’s tell some jokes and discuss obscure pop songs! Links to stuff: alexthoffman.com/links
Writer, storyteller. Nebula, Hugo, Ignyte finalist. Work in
@strangehorizons, @Slate, @LightspeedMag etc. http://shivramdas.net.
