That's Are SCARY Dings™ 😱

It's what his owner would have wanted

There were reports of a mushroom cloud proportional to the size of Cody the mule, sources say

I saw one in rural Oklahoma earlier today. Poor fella probably had to sell his favorite mule to get it

Not me. I love capitalism

I'm unable to click the link but I'm closing my eyes and imagining what he's saying

The toys keep their insatiable thirst for blood in check

YouTube Kids is awesome. It's full of videos of depressed adults playing with paw patrol toys doing the worst voice impressions imaginable and every video has over a billion views

No

Congrats on being a genius

Anyone else getting scared about Halloween happening again?

That guy who always knocks the papers out of my hands and then kicks me when I'm picking them up's wife is in the hospital again. I hope she gets better

Wearing riot gear but still somehow getting beat up by a 70 year old man

What a nice jewel to put in the crown that is his career!

Who?

Arnold thank you for accepting this part, we here at the studio think you're a wonderful actor. The role? You'll be playing a robot who says three words

This is correct. Beat saber is censored to

Writing smarter than Jimmy Carter

You get used to it

I just got back from being in one of those Chinese sperm factories that Jordan B Peterson was concerned about. It's really not that bad. You pretty much just cum all day

Everyone has their part to play!

The path to finding Amelia Earnhardt is the path to true freedom!! Join me, fellow patriots, in sorting through your pockets and overturning your couch cushions to find clues and fingerprints that will solve this mystery!!!

I think we should start looking at the Bermuda triangle

Fret not ma'am, I may have just expelled my human waste in this porcelain bowl that is sitting inside the home, but with just a flip of this handle and poof... its gone! No, its not magic

Wise Quotes from Great US Political Leaders

"Ugh! Not again!!!"

-Stephen Miller after soaking his pants with urine when he had just put on a dry pair

When I go to the beach, I'm the boy trying to build a really cool sandcastle while buff men crowd around kicking rocks and sand into my eyes

I don't make the rules

It is my public service 🫡

Almost nothing makes me laugh as hard as @itsdings.bsky.social movie reviews

🥰🥰

For Halloween I'm going as an adult in 2025 who is still outraged that Disney's Doug was radically different from the original series