Me (in dark times) god is dead (tastes lemon bars) actually he is very real and loves us

My most right-wing opinion is that compostable straws in any form are terrible. They either disintegrate (cardboard) or are made of some weird, brittle pseudoplastic that snaps and then produces lip-lacerating edges.

Gimme those plastic straws that last ten thousand years and kill sea turtles.

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

The tech industry only ever has two positions on any proposed tech regulation:

(1) Don’t regulate us. It’s too early. Our tech is still developing.

(2) Don’t regulate us. It’s too late. Our tech is everywhere.

Trump and co might aspire to form the Galactic Empire, but I can’t see Palpatine accidentally texting a journalist Order 66.

society erred when we removed the computer from its honored place in the home and ushered it into every part of our profane world. we must rebuild the temple of the Computer Room

Matzah-ball soup (Kneidlach) made by your mom is a panacea for all ailments. I will not be taking questions

We finally fixed illegal immigration (nobody wants to come here anymore)

Nevir shal Ich give thee up
Nevir shal Ich let thee doun
Nevir shal Ich runne arounde
and go from thee
Nevir shal Ich make thee to crye
Nevir shal Ich 'farewell' sigh
Nevir speke falsehood
And cause thee sorowe

Roses are redde
Lightsabers glowe
Carbon-freeze chamber
"I love thee," "I knowe"

Trans rights are human rights

[elon does a Nazi salute] wait, I thought foreshadowing was supposed to be subtle

And, conversely, antisocial or violent behavior that tends to support the social order will rarely be criminally punished, and indeed will often be celebrated.

The fact that the behavior so punished is often antisocial or even violent in nature is a pretext only. Pro-social behavior is punished, too, if it threatens the order that the state requires to exist.

.. serve to warn the rest of us of the state’s power to punish if we should upset the social order.

As important to that system’s functioning as incarceration is the visible underclass of those branded by interaction with it. They are often (as you say) select groups, whose dual markings as minority and “criminal”..

The concept of crime is a weapon, both ideological and physical. The state wields the threat of being cast into its carceral hellholes, as often as it makes good on that threat, to keep order. In so doing it pretends to equate order and justice, which (needless to say) don’t always coincide.

When the moone ys a drone
And a plane ys a drone
That ys New Jerseye

I recommend no fewer than 4 copies of any beloved book. A paperback for traveling and lending to friends, an eBook for reading with greasy snack fingers, an audio book so you know how the characters' names are actually pronounced, and a pristine hardcover to be buried with you like a pharaoh

You drink the Bluepill Baja Blast, you wake up in someone else’s bed and believe whatever you want to believe…You take the Redpill Crunchwrap Supreme, and you stay in Taco Bell and I show you just how más you can live

Look bringing back polio sounds bad. But it’s a small price to pay to get rid of pronouns in email signatures and black women in star wars.

I cannot believe that our nascent folk hero has been unmasked and that his name is fucking Luigi

My five year old son asked me why Assad had to step down. I told him because the woke mob took Aleppo.

Then he burst into tears.

Bashar al-Assad’s biggest mistake? Not going on Joe Rogan.

A cool thing about pharmacies is how there’s always a wait but never any place to sit

everyone has that one ominous tower in the distance they look at and feel bound to serve

Proof your public library loves you: they leave you alone while you read, they don’t mind when you bring your kids over, and they’ll let you borrow any of their books, even the hardcovers

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime, and the guy driving the killdozer, who crushes everything that gets in the way of the killdozer

Crabiohead