Ian Marriott

[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

*chuckles in British*

No there isn't.

HIVE MIND -
I’m touring my one man version of A Christmas Carol this December; got a bunch of dates in BUT I’ve got an annoying gap: 14th - 17th.
Been waiting to hear from some venues but can’t wait any longer.
I donate 50% of my cut to local charities
Any small (<100 seat)f venues interested?

Robert, can I introduce you to the concept of the Overton window?

Putin would also love to not spend any more on war or throw another soul into the meat grinder, but it does not make him any less of the vile dictator he is. You're unwittingly (I hope to God) doing his bidding.

Lord, grant me sufficient insight into my lack of knowledge to know when to shut the fuck up.

I made it, they loved it.

[Scene is a high school classroom. A teacher is writing on the whiteboard 'ACT 2 SCENE 3'.] TEACHER: OK class - open up Macbeth to Act 2 Scene 3... TEACHER: So - does anybody have any ideas on Shakespeares meaning behind the character of 'the Porter' in this scene? [A voice comes from off-scene, behind the teacher's back[. VOICE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. TEACHER [turning round]: Sorry….. who are you? [We see a wider scene that shows it is the GHOST OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, hovering over the heads of the startled students] SHAKESPEARE: I'm the Ghost of Shakespeare and I've come back to say: this scene means *absolutely nothing*. The Porter is a funny drunk bloke I lobbed in to cover a costume change! I mean like, not everything I did was genius OK? Stop giving me the ick. TEACHER: So um...what do you suggest we study? SHAKESPEARE: The most important text in British culture! TEACHER: Which is...? SHAKESPEARE: 'Bollocks People Say on the Internet.' TEACHER: You think we should study... bollocks people say on the internet? SHAKESPEARE: Yes. TEACHER: But Mr Shakespeare... your Porter scene was a question in a past GCSE paper... We need to analyse it so the kids don't end up failing their exams... SHAKESPEARE: Yes, and I'm just suggesting you should analyse Bollocks People Say on the Internet instead, so they don't end up painting flags on roundabouts. [Silent pause] TEACHER: OK class - open up your phones to X... [ends]

Chris Mason would end the shipping forecast with "So, what next for Reform?"

Book, change, or cancel a COVID-19 vaccination appointment online Book, change or cancel a COVID-19 vaccination appointment online.

You don't need to go to your GP. If you're clinically vulnerable, you can book online and get flu and covid done at a pharmacy near work or wherever suits you.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services...

Unfortunately as in other countries that have lost their moral authority, the cruelty is "the thing"

Ultra's on both sides, likely to kick off especially given recent events at a match in Israel. The right decision.

From the people who brought you Alligator Alcatraz

Will unleash this on my coworkers.

white house has joined bluesky
click here to block all official us government accounts instantly

bsky.app/profile/did:...

Agreed on Pontypool

The 6 panel Bronze Medal meme. The top left panel shows an athlete bowing his head to receive his medal, but the athlete is now Freddy Krueger. The top right panel shows him biting down on the medal. The middle left panel shows him kissing the woman who placed the medal around his neck. The middle right panel shows him shouting with joy as he sticks up two middle fingers. The bottom left panel has him opening a lively bottle of Champagne. The bottom right panel shows him spraying his face with Champagne as he chugs from the bottle. He's standing on the 3rd place podium, which features the number 45+ (his rough killcount). Michael Myers is standing on the 2nd place podium with a killcount of 150+. On the 1st place podium is Jason Voorhees, with an approximate killcount of 160+. Before anyone dives in to tell me that, actually, I'm wrong because so-and-so has killed more people than such-and-such, I don't care. I looked at numerous sites that claim to have answered this exact question, and Michael and Jason often swap places, so I just went with the character I like more.

The Slasher Olympics heralds the start of this year's Hallowmeme Countdown.
🎃

A photograph of Andy Marshall standing at the centre of the circular nave at Temple Church London taken from a drone's perspective. The geometry is present - in abstract the building form looks like a flower. Andy stands next to his tripod and is looking up - he is surrounded by 12 effigies

😮Temple Church, London.

Standing at the centre unlocks the spirit of the place. It’s as though the building itself were an epic drama, and I had stepped into the pivot of its plot — a moment of revelation.

Read on:👉 www.digest.andymarshall.co/andy-marshal...

Bracelets that say LEAVE ME ALONE & THE HORRORS PERSIST

👽🗯️I love your bracelet, what does it say?
👹🗯️LEAVE ME ALONE
👽[Shuffles away]

hellohalloweeno.etsy.com

YouTube video by TIME Natasha Lyonne Asks AI Leaders: "Whatever Happened to Being Cool?"

At the TIME100 AI celebration last night, Natasha Lyonne stood in front of the emperors of AI and challenged them to their face. Doing that takes guts. And I’m incredibly honored that she cited my work as well.

Thank you for speaking truth to power, Natasha. 🙏

youtube.com/watch?v=RUu9...

Now got the theme tune going through my head

Satellites Are Leaking the World’s Secrets: Calls, Texts, Military and Corporate Data With just $800 in basic equipment, researchers found a stunning variety of data—including thousands of T-Mobile users’ calls and texts and even US military communications—sent by satellites unencrypted.

With just $800 in basic equipment, researchers found a stunning variety of data—including thousands of T-Mobile users’ calls and texts and even US military communications—sent by satellites unencrypted. www.wired.com/story/satell...

A card with a sad Moon wearing socks. It says IT’S JUST A PHASE

Bracelets with letter beads. One says OVERSTIMULATED and the other says ADHD AF. Another is made of flowers beads

Dollies in packaging costumes

Little friendos in bobble hats

Please come and have a rummage in my emporium and spend some coinz 👾💘

hellohalloweeno.etsy.com

Right Portland. Wrong time.

Zombie Penelope Wilton

You've got red on you

She's a good friend of Magna Carta apparently

She both-sides the unboth-sideable

Plot twists and an inconvenient truth The 20-second Agatha Christie moment

Weekend long read is out. New subscribers - free or paid - always welcome.

aqyoung61.substack.com/p/plot-twist...