Neil Christopher

I love ‘Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid’ 😎

I’m sure KitKats used to be bigger.

Being awarded a peace prize by FIFA is about as significant as winning the Nobel Commitee’s goal of the season.

What a set of utter clowns.

Strong Magritte "The Empire Of Lights" energy.

Wonder how many current MPs have as many failed attempts to be an MP as he has behind them?

There was a king named Ozymandias
Whose visage was once Marlon Brandious
Now his statuesque legs
Were but truncated pegs
With nothing beyond his sad sandy ass

Phew…

Change one letter, ruin a candy.

Milky Tar.

Bringing back someone who hasn’t managed anywhere in six years assisted by someone last seen doing nothing at Wigan might turn out to be a dream team, but probably only on Elm Street…

In a way you’ve almost got to admire Celtic’s dedication.

They just will not let Rangers beat them to anything, even including being Glasgow’s premier banter club.

Sacre feckin' bleu... #BurnleyFC

JBL off and replaced by... Lauren? #BurnleyFC

OK, enough's enough.

JBL and Anthony can go turn the showers on, bring on a winger who'll actually beat a man. #BurnleyFC

Gotta shoot there, Zian.

I mean, it wasn't a great pass to him, but he's still gotta shoot. #BurnleyFC

Flemming doing great. Two cracking assists from Hartmann. Midfield OK.

Against that they seem to be getting the ball into our box rather too often and too easily, Anthony's a no-show and JBL is really starting to piss me off. #BurnleyFC

Oh for FUCK'S SAKE... #BurnleyFC

OK lads, keep calm. Get to the break in the lead. #BurnleyFC

Pah. Can't really complain, we've got penalties like that before. #BurnleyFC

GET (and I cannot stress this enough) IN!! #BurnleyFC

That's twice now JBL should have done better... #BurnleyFC

BOOM! #BurnleyFC

Cartoon by Stephen Collins for the Guardian. [Scene is BBC BREAKFAST with two presenters and a guest on the sofa]. 1 PRESENTER: Now - some disturbing new research has shown 2 PRESENTER: that as many as 10 non-Reform political parties may currently operating ‘under the radar’ across the UK. [Show on screen logos for Greens, Lib Dems, Conservatives  3 PRESENTER: In the studio to discuss this, Nigel Farage [We see the guest on the sofa is indeed Nigel Farage] 4 PRESENTER: Nigel, what’s your view?  FARAGE: Well I think this very worrying. 5 FARAGE: And just another reason why we should ban all immigration. 6 PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! 7 PRESENTER: Funnily enough, this is what your new show’s about, isn’t it? FARAGE: Oop - plug time! PRESENTER: Ha ha 8 FARAGE: Yes it’s a 12-part BBC documentary called ‘In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One’. 9 [Show on the TV screen Farage presenting a documentary series titled In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One. He is wearing his farmer's getup and looking dreamily at the UK from hillsides, visiting pubs and chatting with the locals, etc] FARAGE: It’s a really emotional journey  10 FARAGE: with lots of dreamy footage of me looking relatable...  11 FARAGE: as I answer the question: *Am I the only option for Britain?* 12 [Cut back to studio] PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! [ends]

Dubravka laying the foundations for another MOTM performance... #BurnleyFC

Strong Walter Peck vibes coming off this guy

Football games peaked with ISS Pro 98.
Just remake that with modern graphics.
Job done.

All those words just to say “I’m an utter bellend”.

Or, hopefully, the roof caves in on the official opening on top of all his guests. And him.

Truss at the controls of a train

Hit a cow
Tried to reverse
Went forward
Hit it again
Reversed back
Hit another train
Put my foot down to get the heck out of there
Took out an owl

[Scene is a DRINKS PARTY with various monstrous horror characters - proper grown-up, modern horror film type nightmare things - and they are standing around chatting. A little GREEN BLOB MONSTER called Dan is being introduced to the other monsters]. 1 MONSTER 1 [introducing the little blob to the other monsters]: Everybody, this is Dan GROUP OF THREE MONSTERS: Hi Dan! 2 MONSTER 2: Pleased to meet you Dan, I’m Peter 3 MONSTER 3: I’m Mary MONSTER 4: I’m Sean 4 MONSTER 1: Peter is an extended metaphor for bereavement 5 MONSTER 1: Mary is a manifestation of intergenerational trauma 6 MONSTER 1: And Sean is a body-horror chimera expressing the cannibalistic dynamics of late-stage capitalism. 7 MONSTER 4: And what do you, Dan? 8 BLOB MONSTER: I’m a green blob that lives in the toilet and bites you on the arse. 9 MONSTER 3: Gosh… So is that like a metaphor for… society… or…? BLOB MONSTER: No. 10 BLOB MONSTER: I’m a basic, old fashioned, meaningless horror movie monster. I’m a green blob in your toilet. I bite you on the arse. 11 [They all look disgusted] 12 [As the other monsters look awkward and drift away, Blob monster thinks]: I hate parties [ends]

Well according to him someone hacked his bed and shat in it for him.

Nope, me neither.