Music made by anyone over 35 is never quite as good

genius is 1% inspiration, 1% perspiration and 98% trepanation

Making America grate again

Nevermind coffee, I've become a bread snob

Elton John is highly skilled at playing the piano, but he sucks on the organ.

which of the Greek gods were autistic do you think

My mother-in-law just had an accident. She flew off the handle. She's fine, but the broom is totaled.

Jury panels should be replaced by your local friendly Facebook chat group.

I mean everything I say makes sense - in context of course

Why is the Moon called Moon?

The present is a past factory

Onions are just goth apples

Just paring drinks to my family members

At what age does it change from "I fell over" to "I had a fall"

Tommy used to work on the docks. I worked in a DIY store but you won't catch me banging on about it

Be the reason they stop using the phrase 'there's no such thing as a stupid question'

If vampires lived in the arctic circle, would they migrate?

Will there be a point in time where every puns has been made?

At what age does it change from 'I fell over' to 'i had a fall'?

You're being annoying. Go and lick the air somewhere else

"No offence, but you look like someone who enjoys hiking"

i'm not an influencer but i have yawned on a train...

I need an introvert cafe. Only tables for one, no music, headphones compulsory, preorder through an app

"hey, how's it going?"

Me: "Stimmingly"

Things my hair dresser says when I give one word answers

1. Yeah, well... that's about it really...
2. So, the jury's still out then...
3. Well, there we go me old mate...

I'm in a print without 'print preview' kind of mood

Is it ok to take your shower head on holiday with you?

Ten bands to listen to this Easter weekend…

10. The Jesus and Mary Chain
9. Daddy Issues
8. The Carpenters
7. The Killers
6. Hot Cross
5. Nine Inch Nails
4. MC Hammer
3. The Grateful Dead
2. Rocket from the Crypt
1. Bad Religion

👏🏻 name one single significant technological breakthrough that was spearheaded by someone NOT on the spectrum.

A characters superpower that can absorb or suck light into their hands leaving a radius around them dark as the night.