moist books

acab includes ford explorer owners

The red hot chili peppers should change it up and start writing all their songs about rhode island

i once knew a carpenter who was persecuted for his strong beliefs... his name was randy and he stripped my home of copper for meth and was arrested for biting a cop

get you a girl who can do both. i look like simon AND garfunkel

Alberta, Canada does not have free press

the guy with dreads from korn goes to the grocery store near me

rfk jr gave a live autopsy to my hamster when i was 12

in 2021-22 if you flew the canadian flag, i woulda thought you were an antivaxx loser, now it means you hate donald trump

ALSO yum yum in english is cannibalism in turkish, that one is really fun

my bf is turkish and the word for sausage and children sound similar so i always say i eat children, butchering another language is never not funny tbh

i left my shoes at the gym and they were still there a week later. offended that nobody wanted to take them home and put them under their pillow to smell at night

the hardest part of driving for me is eating a lamb curry with a roti with both hands at the same time

highly recommend getting a fecal transplant at claires

jair bolsonaro goes to my gym and i saw him fall off a treadmill

playing connect four on his dick til he bust

when i would tweet like “just paid off my car” on twitter ppl would unfollow me. so my goal on bluesky is to have 0 followers cuz that would mean i am successful and have many haters

i feel like in this tariff stuff nobody is talking about the huge, juicy, throbbing mines of uranium in canada that usa vigorously sucks down to enrich

i’m canadian and i love my muslim friends and they love me, you’re just a loser with no friends

finally figured out i’ll be broke no matter what so ive been buying avocados and pomegranates

it took me 5 hours to cut a pomegranate

cuz for some reason the only thing that works is the iOS app of microsoft outlook???

i will never forgive adobe for making the simple act of signing a document the most infuriating experience

the jamiroquai guy works at the dennys by me

i’m handcuffed to an ikea display bed

someone else told me their friend was recruited by the mennonites to impregnate mennonite women bc blond and blue eyes was desirable. they paid buddy $600 to have sex w a guys wife through a bedsheet while several community members watched

when i worked in way north canada someone told me they went to a bachelor party and all thought it would be a fun prank to put the drunk groom in a bus going to alaska. did it and buddy never came back. started a whole ass new life in alaska (pre-internet)

tweeting abt my bf made me lose followers and it would be funny if one of my 6 bluesky followers unfollowed me for it lmao

if u run the tap cuz ur tryna hide ur poop sound just know it makes me try to listen harder

call me mass transit the way i want to be publicly railed and how i've been ruined by decades of capitalism

bangerzzzz