Bill Melots

I want to eat another piece of pizza but my old man wisdom kicked in and was like nooooooo you’ll be all damaged tomorrow.

You ever feel like someone at work is waiting for you to mess up on social media? All I have to say about that is fuck you Dan - your cupcakes suck and what do you even do here ?

I’ll just answer the phone on my electric bidet.

I think it’s very cool that having ubiquitous control of song playback from any device also prevents half of my devices from working property. Thank you Spotify.

Also, totally cool if you have an opioid problem. Not trying to be elitist here.

Hands up if we love Morphine (the band).

I chork.
I chork it, man.

People are doing things too much.

There is so much chorkless chork. So much opportunity to chork so chorkly.

@pamtoo.bsky.social missed you at the first chorkathon. Will you commit to giving a TEDchork at our next one ?

Relax. She’s double jointed. Can introduce you if you want. She’s my AI friend and her nickname is floppy bones.

First annual Chork get together was enlightening.

I give off that live fast and die young vibe but the reality is that I’m already old and I’m only going to get older so you better get used to this because I’m gonna live forever and be this way the whole time.

In this day and age, it makes no sense to be a real person on social media but I’ve decided to disrupt my own thesis. My name is Hannah Montana and this is my real account.

Recipe: 1 egg (head), beat off for 1 hour. Roll in dough.

Spawn ditty colms reporting for duty! 😂

Hi my name is furp and this is my prog rock band called off time and we play everything in 17/34. Critics have praised it as “quite a bit of noise,” “unlistenable,” and “why does this exist”

Kids these days will never know the joy of going bare ass on the photocopier. At Kinkos. At lunch.

Nothing through the whole nihilism exam until the essay question "reasons to have no good reason" I just put false but failed for feeling good about it

Military in Portland rn: “commander, quick spot check : is the standard antifa hair color green or purple?”

Remember remember the 26th of September
That time when we smoked some pot
I know of no reason
That I won’t be squeezin
That big ol booty a lot
- Anniversary Poem, Unknown. (It was me don’t tell my wife)

Mine has been chorking alllll day.

Donate to Supporting the Shea Family in Loving Memory of Caspian, organized by Debra Kavaler Wysopal On behalf of the Shea family, we have created this page of su… Debra Kavaler Wysopal needs your support for Supporting the Shea Family in Loving Memory of Caspian

gofund.me/ae3e52797

An old friend of the herd is going through something awful. If you're in a position to consider donating, we hope you will.

How’s everybody’s brain worm doing today?

You are very chorkome. i am excited to chork you and your chorkers at the next chorkening (that’s what we chork it). The chorkener at the next chorkening will be the world famous Robbie Williams. We’re not sure why he is famous, but he is extremely chorky, which we like.

I shall chork it to you but you can also chork it at chorkttp://chork.chork.chork.

That chorks like a chorking idea! Chork you chork me your newsletter? Or chork I chork up for it online?

Sir, Chork you very much. This is very Chork of you to say.

And a chorkey chork to you madam.