Sean Paul Sartre

I've been through the desert on a horse with no legs, I rode him like a skateboard

I came, I saw, I fell flat on my face

To catch a thief you have to steal some stuff

In my raps the word ho is short for honey:)

I'm such a hero I would jump on a grenade even if there was noone else around.

I burned one calorie today

turning into a manosphere

That's the best gift anyone can give

Same. I like to think that's why they stopped putting ornaments on luxury cars.

Does it count as a threesome if I'm thinking about someone else during

Feeding salad to the trees

Oh they already made a movie of this concept

Nobody would trust a skinny Santa

Do we think hedgehogs suck their own dicks when they curl up in that little ball

Ice cream truck funerals apparently produce the most horror movie ass sound you can hear in real life

Lights camera cut

Scarf is short for 'scarface'

Telling old people that I'm their son and they have dementia so they put me in their will

The good news is that there's no bad news. The bad news however, is that there's no good news.

Best friend material

Todd is short for Toddler

Crufts for slugs

I think my cat is trying to communicate with me. He wrote his name on the carpet in poop scoots.

We should have woman years as a measurement of relative aging the same way we have dog years

You've got to love what you do. That's the whole problem.

He was too good for this world. But not quite good enough for the other one.

You know it's on when you're watching a movie and the daughter gets kidnapped. Not so much the son, cos really if your son can't fight off kidnappers then you've failed as a parent.

East of Eden?

My learning style is that you have to tell me something five times and I still won't get it

Doing the Bobby Baccalieri Baked Ziti but with my exes hair stuck in the plughole. She's not even dead she just left me.