Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner's Desk

"Fan theory" is just a polite way of saying "stuff some rando made up"

So weird to be on a text-based social media with people who have atrocious reading comprehension but are also very longwinded

ME: don’t even talk to me until i’ve had my coffee

EVERYONE: *hides the coffee*

I love stand-up comedians going, "Hey, it's cheaper than therapy!" Falling off a ski lift is cheaper than going to the gym, but they are also not the same.

If they're really going to persue this antifa ridiculousness maga should go all the way and change its name to fa

Stephen Miller out here trying to shred the constitution like he could even get elected Local Unpleasant Man

the idea that freedom is in our DNA is just a misinterpretation of the fact that we’re a nation of finicky whiners who don’t like to be personally inconvenienced

we have trained your company's accounting software on 6 million reddit shitposts and it is accurate 55% percent of the time. please clap.

There are so many ways to stop Stephen Miller. We should try them all. Alphabetically is fine.

Dr. Jane Goodall filmed an interview with Netflix in March 2025 that she understood would only be released after her death.

I'm in favor of a US general strike, whether that's our general population or our population of generals

It's almost funny how America failed to win war after war after war until it was finally like "screw it, let's invade ourselves. Can't lose then"

*invasion

Dressing as a unicorn bigfoot lake monster for Halloween because "sexy ICE agent" is too unrealistic

man it is pretty crazy everyone forgot about that charlie cork guy already

He's talking about himself. This hack would never be famous without the part of the country he mocks and dismisses

"Ed Sheeran" sounds like a drunk person trying to remember the name "Edward Scissorhands"

Somewhere in America, a young Hispanic girl is hiding in an attic writing a diary.

Literally pillaging American artifacts. Talk about making your intentions plain

This would be no problem if American emergency rooms didn't charge 7 grand for a blood test and an x-ray

I never trusted Jay. She's got that live laugh love vibe

It's been (0) days since a girlbossing injury

TCW writes like a pretentious 7th grader abusing a thesaurus

This guy is the gold cherubs, gilded moldings, and Home Depot plastic spray of writing

You know who else liked trolling his subjects? Prince John

Looking forward to Project 9595

Real NY Times Pitchbot level stuff here

My fellow patriots join me in applauding Danica Patrick for her eloquent words and allow me to add English song word in America absolute top festivity belief in how it gains

Journalist Jamal Khashoggi was assassinated by Saudi agents on this day in 2018

I remember people saying he went crazy when he walked out on his show. I've seen nothing since to convince me otherwise