FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

I write it as A.I. because I kept thinking “AI slop” was something you dumped into Al Roker’s feed trough

Reporting every AI written Facebook post as plagiarism

On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

I make enough money to disqualify me from the tariff rebate check

We have successfully weaned her off the peanuts

In all fairness the psychics told me that she would absolutely bomb that shit and they were spot on

Ask not what your country can do for you, you stupid piece of shit

I hate the sound of something being explained to me

why are they "trad wives" and not "girls gone laura ingalls wilder"

My wife is making me lasagna for supper because it’s Veterans Day and she’s thankful that I kept the chrome in those latrines all shiny with the Brasso and the floors in the barracks all waxed and buffed.

Asserting dominance in the work parking lot with my snow brush that extends to 61 inches

They say you should turn your passion into profit so I guess I’m a hitman now?

Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS.

going home between events is so dangerous bc all of a sudden you’re pantsless and lying on your bed scrolling and you’ll never leave home again

Never quite understood why a scapegoat was more popular than a portrait goat

Lee 9 inch press on nails

Happy Show a Veteran Your Titties day

Knock down that wall, knock down that wall, and knock down that fargin wall

Put your Sunday tube top on momma and let’s go down to the Farm and Fleet

Facebook post: Our beloved baby boy has gone to heaven. Thank you for your prayers and donations. We will announce funeral arrangements in a few days.

🧿Meta A.I.: Replacement options for baby boy ->

Lemme have a Diablo sandwich, a Dr Pepper and make it fast. I’m in a goddamn hurry.

Him: Tell me something you’ve learned in the last six months.

Me: Jerking off with coconut oil is fuckin awesome.

Him: I don’t think you’re a good fit for this position.

Me: No problemo. But try it, seriously. Like, wow.

I’m trying, but I think I just don’t have it in me to give a single shit about which team wins a sporting event.

Do you have a license to carry all that ass

Of course I’m an alpha male.

*adjusts panties

I can't get the Barney Miller theme song out of my head. I'm young and hip.

Pretty sure our gothy waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings sprinkled her blood onto my cheddar burger and she hissed at me when I asked for an extra little cup of it to go so she’s getting a big fuck tip

Meeting Paul McCartney after eating a big motherfuck cheeseburger with an egg on it: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhello Paul

tears are just eye piss