Surprised Face Guy

Drake Maye, tears in his eyes, thinking about his unwavering support of ICE agents during the anthem

[important document] please list your emergency contact

[me writing the words] borat voice my wife

Can you imagine what it would be like to watch 80,000 fans check their phones and cheer while 2 billion more people watch

100%.

bsky.app/profile/surp...

*superbowling

I didn’t ask for the tree sperm to impregnate my nostrils

An extremely low bar.

from: jeevacation
to:kraftmacandrobert

in 2026 you shood defl8 the balls again

Computer: your password has been compromised

Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine

Also McCain defended Obama from being called Arab, a claim that had racist origins but, and this is critical, an Arab can also be a decent family man. His defense was itself insulting.

Don’t talk to me until I have had my Super Bowl

Do the New York Times next.

[looking around at all the freaks and losers currently running this country] we need to bring back bullying.

[attending the dipshits invite-only gala surrounded by dipshits] "huh, lotta dipshits around here. Glad this doesn't reflect on me, personally."

Him: “Any business ideas?”

Me: “Honestly, at this point, I’m just throwing spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks.”

Him: “Do you think that’s going to make you money?”

Me: [surrounded by walls covered in spaghetti] “I’ve already received $1,000,000 in seed funding.”

❤️ as always

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

we got your genetic tests back and it’s definitely maybelline

Sirens of Sizzler.

snrimps is bugs

We are in the process of determining whether she is the one making out with the man here and if the man is also the waiter

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Sizzlers gives you choices

It is difficult to tell but Sizzlers offers choices

Gen X lore

Is the man from the making out couple not also the waiter

one of those cellphone holders on your belt only it’s for your emergency burrito

my penis is yay big

I’m rubber. You’re glue. They said our relationship could never be,

Taking a quick warm up nap for the real nap

detective: so you’re just out walking in the woods alone and you stumble on this body?

me: yes sir worst thing i ever saw in my life

detective: do you mind me asking what you were doing in the woods?

me: (inaudible)

detective: can you speak up son? we're recording.

me: chasing a leprechaun