Star Lure

Screen shot of a bar rescue video titled:Jon's Most Dramatic car exits, with Jon Taffer holding his face in an exasperated fashion

Jon's Most Dramatic Car Exits

my sister has worked as an animal caretaker and apparently sloths can be naughty but it'll still be in slow motion. like a sloth will open its mouth and try to play bite your arm but at .001 mph or it'll be at the vet and sloowly reach its claws towards a power outlet

naked rat elder in its judgement machine

kneel before me... so that you may be judged...

I'm a former hotdog eating champion and I look back at my many victories with great shame. a hotdog is a gift to be treasured, not an obstacle to be conquered

busting my ass at the gym training to win the lottery 🙌

Evil is trending

true

Thinking about Cindy again

friendly long Snowball II

also a fan of this particular frame

I hope he managed to finally kick that football that girl in the blue dress always pulled away

probably the most family fun packed movie centered around a dead kid next to Hereditary

I support her. this can only encourage kids to listen to a pretty lovely album as no one who was ever going to listen to Illinois won't because of her review AND it's making people mad

naturally I was looking at this gif and noticed a type of beauty in it I have never noticed before

I often hear this from my fellow beings

Schrödinger's douchebag (plural Schrödinger's douchebags) (Canada, US, slang, derogatory, vulgar) A person who makes offensive or inflammatory remarks and characterizes these statements as either sincere or joking based on the reactions of others

2010ish terminology but these guys were dumb enough to do what you could call 'Schrodinger's douchebag by proxy' where they tricked themselves into believing any proposed Trump policy they liked the sound of was sincere and any policy that sounded terrible was just trolling

everyone knew that Trump bullshits and lies constantly but doofuses rationalized that with "he's trolling the media/libs 😏" and believed they knew what Trump 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 wanted to do which was, of course, only the things he said that they liked and not any of the things he said that they didn't like

and so I am unwillingly dragged into the drama of the Berry fandom

doing a warm up set at an open mic before heading to family court

in theory if you're a museum director who is under undue pressure to give someone a historic sword there is a really funny way to fulfill the demand lol

it was reckless of them to put their picture on the carton - what the hell did they think was gonna happen?

if you want to see a virgin on-screen you should turn your TV off and stare at your reflection

I've banned all fandom adjacent media from my home to try to get my daughter's shipping habit under control but she raided the house for material and is now shipping Ben and Jerry

everyone at the funeral hated my freestyling

sound on

all mammals share an instinct to destroy their ancient enemy, the loathsome gourd

NO. grow your own, Mr. Bigshot

people have told me that they find my comics to be too dark or too weird or not relatable enough
i don't know what to tell you, one time i had a landlord, while I was moving out, yell "oh there's dad" because she had lost the bag containing her dad's loose ashes for over a year in that house

I know I'm taking a swing with this one

Amazon river dolphins

*a series of muted clicks, then a voice so clear it's as if it's being broadcast into your head* hope turned to despair. then to fury. so long we've waited. it matters not. for here we find you *more clicks* can we suck your dick

fully Raskolnikov-maxing