John

They are expecting No Kings to be the largest anti-Elvis protest in recent U.S. history

you: taylor swift needs to address criticisms that her lyrics are heteronormative morality tales aimed at reifying tradwife narratives in an age of reemergent fascism

tectonic plate sandwiched between the continental crust and the earth's mantle: *shifts imperceptibly

Photo of Karoline Leavitt's Notes for Press Briefing Reveals "Rick Deez" As Person Responsible For ICE Detaining Children

The Pope tweets: "The poor are not there by chance or by blind and cruel fate. Nor, for most of them, is poverty a choice. Yet, there are those who still presume to make this claim, thus revealing their own blindness and cruelty. #DilexiTe" Someone replies: "I was so hopeful I could be a Catholic again after the disaster that Francis was, guess we just get Francis 2.0 now and I am heartbroken. How do I stay a Catholic now...I don't want to lose faith but I am. You belong to someone else, not God."

heartbroken to learn the pope sympathizes with the poor. how can i continue to believe in god

Report: 68% Of 4 Year Olds Now Using ChatGPT To Solve Blue's Clues

I am extremely proud to have not yet bothered your wife

Do Leo’s usually also have this because I also have this

Let’s “effin” go

The lead works to counterbalance the microplastics

We're finally getting rid of "woke" lead-free protein drinks

a man in a suit and tie is pointing at the camera in front of a sign that says nbc on it ALT: a man in a suit and tie is pointing at the camera in front of a sign that says nbc on it

When you see a commercial for the beer you are currently drinking

Wyoming Man Found With 30 Eyeballs In His Anal Cavity

"Wait, I can explain..."

It’s not what it looks like

I don’t do anything illegal without the express written consent of Major League Baseball

Sorry I missed your text. I was warming up in the bullpen for the Seattle Mariners

you're a better man than I

Bustin' makes me feel good. For a time...

Vaxxed?

Recent studies have shown that circumcised people have many employment-related strengths that should be recognized and valued by more employers

🎵Just like the right wing chud
sings a song sounds like he's singin
wah baby wah, said wah🎵

Jesus Christ: Into The Multiverse
bsky.app/profile/page...

FARMER: pumpkins?
GUY ABOUT TO lNVENT HALLOWEEN: pumpkins

Writing for theonion.com has been a dream of mine for a long time and it finally came true! Two of my jokes are in the latest issue. Still waiting to hear if I 'passed' my trial, but either way I'm thrilled and honored to be published by the best humor site/newspaper on Earth

If you're a brilliant forensic psychiatrist but also a cannibalistic serial killer who consults the FBI on high-profile unsolved cases, just go ahead and unfollow me

This is so great man. I didn’t even know you wrote jokes

That giant skeleton in the yard was just a regular giant until I dunked on him

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman broke up after a fight over the hair straightener