richie

*pushes tuesday down the exorcist steps*

Whenever you feel alone remember that there are a lot of people in your life that can barely tolerate you but they do anyway

My 75 year old husband just saw Lindsey Graham and said to me - at least we know he isn’t in the Epstein Files. I spit my coffee out

😂🤣🤌✨👀

😂😂✌️✨

Ah yes, the joys of black coffee.

I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.

sports (derogatory)

What’s it like not to be filled with simmering rage? I’ve forgotten

The sole reason I’m eating this bun is because it’s there.

If you're performing standup for ghosts and the audience starts shouting, "Boo! Boooo!" don't panic. You're killing.

More like sees the day and goes back to bed amiright

What did you guys learn today? Today *I* learned that people are very passionate about their shopping lists

Things have gone terribly wrong and I have no one to blame but yourself

the old world order is crumbling and all I got was this lousy social media presence

You must learn to walk this way before you can run dmc

it’s like “in space no one can hear you scream” adjacent

Did you know you can stop posting online and have your breakdowns in a comp notebook then burn it when you’re done? It’s not near as much fun but it gives the illusion of sanity.

flip shit everyone ruins everything

these are all excellent questions don’t forget to tip

if Bluesky goes under, I will go back to the ancient art of skywriting

Them crunching noisily: These cookies you made are huge!

Me: those are chocolate chip pancakes

putting on socks at .05 hp

(the strength of which 5 hundredths of a horse would put on a sock)

could a depressed person do this? *posts again*

Alright who stuck the pill in my cheese cube?

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both be in the selfie

They changed the shape of my med and it’s an oblomination.

what kind of maniac would turn on post notifications for this

You’re a “content creator?” Well, today I was a “grocery shopper” but you don’t see me adding it to my bio