Tuds Sterkel

let me call you back boss I’m with a custoid right now [hangs up] i’ve been dreaming of ways to serve you.

Issuing a very rare “Wim Wenders Shut Da Fuck Up” notice

When I was a kid I thought Robert Duvall and Terry Bradshaw were the same guy

A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

Seattle to Pay $29 Million to Family of Woman Fatally Struck by Police S.U.V.

"'She is dead,'" Officer Auderer told Officer Solan, before bursting out laughing.

"'No, it’s a regular person,' Officer Auderer said, adding: 'Yeah, just write a check — $11,000. She was 26, anyway. She had limited value.'"

Huge fuckin bummer

I can make children read again

French Stewart’s Agent:
“French, people like you but some Americans are having an issue with your first name, would you consider changing it to Freedom?”

A reception area of a dentist’s office with a flatscreen TV mounted on a pale tan wall high above two suede brown armchairs with a small table between them that holds magazines and a box of tissues. The TV displays a still from a Nightreign lore video featuring Revenant, a pale-skinned doll with long white hair, next to a descriptive box with words that are too small to read.

my dentist’s office is playing nightreign lore videos in the lobby??????

Benjamin Button versus Bagger Vance, who you got?

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

johnny rico in starship troopers saying “kill em all!”

I’m from Whoville, and I say kill the Grinch!

For about ten years I've thought about what a Tom Waits TV Christmas special produced in the early 80s would have been like. It's almost real to me. The set is a Depression-era shack he built and a stream of celebrity hobos keep knocking on the door and Tom goes "I wOnDEr WHo tHaT cOuLd bE"

Dudes Rock, wellness check edition

the ben affleck batman always had the slight air of an obese older dog with something in its mouth that shouldnt be there, you say "what are you eating" as it makes eye contact and lumbers away

scrooge boopin' a little muppet mouse on the nose while souls text reads "MEESES CHEESED"

i had to drop what i was doing to make this

THEY'VE PUT ME ON THE POCKETSTATION COOP. I'M BEING RENDERED IN A 32 BY 32 GRID OF MONOCHROME PIXELS. THE BOYS BACK AT QUANTICO SAID THEY'RE GOING TO RELOCATE ME TO A "DOKO DEMO ISSYO" UNTIL THEY CAN GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Year in review for my music/movies/books: An enjoyably pretentious way for me to inflict my great taste on everyone else.

Year in Review for virtually anything else: An unflinching monument to the incalculable amount of my life that I have wasted.

Did the math and the most expensive way to get diabetes would be by only eating candy via Sweetwater.

Followed shortly by: “I’m 14 and I think this old guy music is better than whatever my generation listens to”

Considering becoming a Reddit guy who just replies to people’s problems with “user error” or “skill issue”

*Photographer rolls into the road to take a pic then rolls back Benny Hill style*

I like to think this is an underground fetish club for people who played too much Super Hang-On growing up

Said to myself in a midwest mom voice “Oh Brett’s gonna luhv that” when i saw the reveal

If you make a billion dollars — or $500 million or even $100 million dollars — and you keep trying to make more, then there is something seriously wrong with you. It's a mental illness akin to hoarding or drug addiction.

Who care

You gotta give it to comedy indie wrestlers, very few people are willing to risk spinal injury/paralysis to dress up in a bunch of aluminum foil and bill themselves as Hobocop. That’s dedication to the bit.