puggie wuggie

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is an asteroid to hit Earth

Cat on top of couch (on the top part of the couch where you lean back) in attack mode: ears back, claws out, with small fruit peeling type knife placed in it's front paw that's straddling the top of the couch, knife tip pointed up and out.

Bringing a cat with a knife to a knife fight.

I'm bringing back oh fiddlesticks and no one can stop me

When you're an introvert and they're invading your space

I'm a sheep
I'm a sheardo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't bleatlong here

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

bro we're filling our pockets with sunshine later if you want to pull up

i’m sorry my posts are too beautiful for you

you can tell i took ballet for years by the way i gracefully spiral out of control

the mid-nineties were thirty years ago and that hurts my feelings

imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they think raisins are candy

*after sex* what was that

all of this is messing with my joie de vivre big time

if you send me a calendar invite i will release wasps into your air vent

perhaps i’ll wear a denim vest today so people will know i am not someone to trifle with

white and black cat melting down in a very tacky bedroom

listening to non-irish people pronounce siobhán

*towering over you* are you obsessed with me or not

elf in the streets hobbit in the sheets

someone unfollowed me instead of deactivating their account. curious

everybody has to believe in something so i’ve chosen hello kitty

“she believed she could so she did” i chant, right before summoning a dark and powerful presence

kids, i am blocked by almost 1400 people. me! the sweetest person on all of bsky smdh

uh hey yeah quick quesh are we all supposed to just keep doing this or what

*vacationing on the sun* at least it’s a dry heat

i’m going to upload my manifesto to bsky so everyone will know my true feelings about marmalade

life is like a box of you’ve got to be kidding me

an abandoned baby doll in the gutter

what the fourth feels like this year 🇺🇸

If anyone’s looking for a Canadian green card husband, hit me up. I’m basically sexless, have two cute doggies, and I do most of my crying in the car. Weirdos only.

Watched the news for five minutes and I gotta say, I’ve never been less horny.

Wanna come over and hit me with a frying pan?