Not A Crab Yet

*pronounces tomatoes like comatose*

Pope Leo in full white pope outfit, eyes closed, looking like he's crooning into a microphone he's holding.

I like big butts and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
and a round thing in your face you get sprung

I can't wait for grandma's baked microplastics casserole and famous forever chemical gravy 🤤

Your secret is safe with the black void that is my mind

If I were in Ocean’s 11, I’d be stealing some otters from the zoo

Sorry, I can’t. I’ll be burying my face in a bag of croutons

You can ward off the poop man by leaving crushed peanuts around your doorway

Farts so bad that you look for poop, snd question if your dog is violating The Geneva Convention.

why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there

Sometimes I feel like I’m not big enough to be considered megafauna

I don't believe that you could, in any meaningful way, restrain a 7 foot tall Danny Devito.

I am become microplastics

That translates to "Jewish whore"... This was NOT a GenZ protest like the ones in Nepal, Morocco and Madagascar...

Thousands protest crime and corruption in Mexico City as 'Gen Z' protests gain momentum Thousands of people in Mexico City are protesting crime, corruption and impunity. The protest Saturday, organized by Generation Z, gained strong support from older opposition party members.

Ya entendí quién era el público objetivo de la protesta Gen Z... Periodistas extranjerxs huevonxs.

Why does Saudi Arabia want to build an Eye of Sauron stadium?

Idk, the Bermuda Triangle sounds pretty relaxing right now

A man is chased through a tunnel by a malicious waterfowl.

John's calves burned with each step, and a sharp pain pierced his abdomen. As he neared the safety of daylight, the sound of webbed feet slapping concrete grew louder. He risked a look over his shoulder, and found himself staring directly into the beady eyes of fate. He screamed.

this new protein powder got me feeding some type of whey

Me: They call me mellow yellow lol
Doctor: It’s called jaundice, and nothing good rhymes with it

Fuck Adobe and their shitty products

In the first panel: a hawk, and eagle and an owl discussing a pretty dumb idea. In the second panel: a group of rats gathered around a preaching rat saying “and we’ll ascend to the heavens”. On the third panel a rat realizing something. On the fourth panel a book called the rapture with the u replaced for an o and a scratched e so it reads raptor. In the fifth panel a rat urging the other rats to get back in. In the last panel a bunch of rats being gleefully raptured by raptor birds

I made a rapture comic

What happens to people indoors during the rapture? Do they get stuck under the ceiling?

I can’t wait for either Peggy or Mrs. Scott to wipe that self righteous snobby look out of Mrs. Kirkland’s face #thegildedage

guys, does anyone know where can i get my king gizzard and the lizard wizard fix now?

I don’t want to work today. I want to live as a jellyfish.

Slugs are neat

I understand justice matters but the reopening of cold cases is surely going too far now

mood: the little dying alien insed some dude in MIB

i need the bean juice