t to the a to the s t e y girl you tastey

And fuck you for making me feel like such a burden for just trying to know you.

Fuck you for breaking my heart before I even gave it to you.

I hate when people ask me if I’d survive an apocalypse. I am barely surviving now. I can’t even remember to drink water from one of the many sinks in my vicinity.

and that’s just me

job applications be like “do you thrive under pressure?” bro i don’t even thrive under casual observation

Chat GPT would for sure be a Gemini

Thank you, Frances. That was essentially baptism by fire.

Brought home a date for the first time and my dog shredded all the used pads in my bathroom garbage and left them in a bloody pulp of a pile in my entry way.

nothing tastes as good as power feels, except maybe fries (or lasagna.. idk i’m kinda hungry right now)

If I could eat a chocolate croissant every morning for the rest of my life, I would consider myself rich.

Returning to my kitchen*
I live alone*

The TJ in TJ Maxx stands for Trader Joe’s

is it just my period or does an ice cream cone seem like it could fix everything

you ever get to the destination and suddenly the whole event feels cursed?

Sometimes I just wanna *screams into the void*

Fries with that?

I turned 28.5 and suddenly the smells I put on my body, clothes, laundry etc are VERRRRRRRRRRRY important.

Chanting: hot. hydrated. minding my business. eating whatever I want.

the older I get and the hotter the days become, the more I understand why there are so many paintings of reclining nude people

A picture of the end of my bed with a blanket folded across the width and a cat underneath sleeping. All you can see is the cat shaped lump.

I think my cat accidentally read the news this morning.

When I get drunk I do not text my ex. I spend $[redacted] on human grade dog treats for my foster puppy.

People with blue eyes: 🧿👄🧿

Zebras imply the existence of Zepanties

“All” lmfao

I was borderline unwell all yesterday and it turns out all I needed was a a morning off, a two hour nap, a home cooked dinner, to listen to my liked songs on shuffle and to do my dishes and laundry.

(me visiting the redwoods national forest) wow big naturals

Agreed as someone who drinks it every day.

matcha is really good for when you want to lick dirt but there’s no dirt around

Why is a man on a skateboard so hot? I’m just trying to mind my business and you had to bring your quads over here and scoot around? Fuck off