That Dang Tanner, Trophy Ex-Wife 🗝

brings engagement ring to finger gun fight

Me: why are you so mad?

Gf: *pouring gasoline all over me* who said i was mad?

I’m just a girl reading the news wishing it was scooby doo on Saturday morning

Please remember to spay or neuter your conservative relatives.

A haunted house but instead of ghosts, it's just a bunch of baby boomers asking why you haven't bought a house yet.

Salt licks, but for humans. Eff yeah. That a thing yet?

W O W 🤬

Wow 🤬

WE HAD THOSE LITTLE WOODEN BOWLS TOO!

We'd each have about five helpings of salad. Salad was always the star 😋

If I lived in medieval times I’d invent Nintendo and blow everyone’s mind

I'm Canadian, but raised by European immigrants who understood that salad belongs in its own bowl.

North Americans, why do you put your salad on your dinner plate with your dinner? Cold food with dressing touching hot food that doesn't like dressing?? I'm 56, but I've wondered this since childhood. Please explain.

british wife: good mornin love
british husband: a rat stole me weetabix

good news we cured using "lol" as punctuation; bad news it's not much better lmao

My niece's husband is 6 ft 8. That is all.

I don't know anything about dude with the camera, but I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him.

lost socks make me so sad, like where’s your li’l buddy why dint y’all hold hands
[sobbing] mister stockington whyyyy

I’m not saying it would fix everything, but have we considered a nationwide dance craze

When I'm asked to name two people who've had the most impact on my life, I say without a doubt hashbrowns and gravy.

Haunted by the terror of being alive? You may be entitled to compensation

This is definitely personal.

A bag of Old Dutch Mexican Chili chip flavour with the word "discontinued" stamped over it in blue font.

Life as we know it is OVERRRRR 😭

#SayItAintSo

has anyone attempted a carbonated soup

trying to even out the strings on my hoodie: a memoir

they don’t always tell you this but when you go on a hayride they’ll usually let you eat as much hay as you want

Horshack looks pleadingly at Epstein in a still from Welcome Back Kotter.

“C’mon, release the files.”

Just saw a woman in a Denny’s uniform walk into Waffle House with a clinched fist and a lit cigarette in her mouth. I think it’s about to go down

is it a bird is it a plane is it the loss of my ability to recognize everyday objects

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but *revs up chainsaw*