Evam

If you say you’re seeing the Mets, it either means you’re seeing baseball or both the opera and an art museum

Thinking about my 11th grade English teacher who hated plagiarism but loved em dashes

@jess-chillin.bsky.social’s hula hoop has a menu

Want something Oreo flavored that isn’t an Oreo. Like a chocolate covered Oreo

Tastefully interrupting someone is the spice of life

Imagine if every mile weighed a pound. (Every kilometer weighs a kilogram for the rest of the world)

Good burger

Saying 🫡 thank you for your service 🫡 to anyone I see wearing MTA branded clothing

The naked eye implies the existence of a clothed eye which implies the existence of a scantily clad eye

why does the beginning of "rudolph the red nosed reindeer" assume that you already know every reindeer except for by far the most popular one

One time a teacher in high school divided the class into groups to play monopoly so i galvanized my group to play the communist variant where we divide the money evenly and just chill. so yes i peaked in high school

Mario party is communism disguised as capitalism

durian separates the player characters from the NPCs

(Emailing an nyc music venue to book a show) our draw is around 60 people but our fans are all out of control alcoholics who average 5 drinks each per show

If anyone is looking to date someone loyal comb through r/DetroitPistons and find a real fan and ask them out

Only real dishwashers get this

You’re not supposed to wash a hot pan but if you do you’re rewarded with a special warm clean smell

They should make a cooking show where the contestants have all the time and ingredients they need

It’s important to get into a band before they get too big and you can only see them at terminal 5

Nyc venues I remember pooping in in order of experience (best to worst)
Trans Pecos, bowery electric, terminal 5, Arlene’s, bohemian grove

Getting stoned to reduce my cognitive function to that of a 12 year old then watching Disney channel movies

I was thinking how cool it would be to have coffee without caffeine then I realized there are so many new things in this world that have always existed

“I need to be more present” I tell myself as I close Instagram and open google maps

Nothing more american than sitting through a youtube ad so I can watch a commercial I remember from the past so I can try to take my mind off of thinking about health insurance

Honey, what do you mean I use weaponized incontinence??

Jonah hill will literally make a documentary about going to therapy before going to therapy

Beer is my anti-drug

I would put out for propel

They should invent a kind of water that doesn’t make you have to pee

I don’t actually believe tums work unless they taste horrible and chalky