Niko Roman

Do Not Attempt The Cheesemaking Ritual If You Can't Handle Chanting In A Cave For 18 Months

N.B., or nota bene, means "good note" in Italian and is used to signify preceding information is especially pleasing to Italians.

Scraping toxins from my skin using a complex assortment of clam shells and volcanic ash

Feeling financially squeezed? Simply create nickels with your mind and use them to pay for goods and services

i'm a single issue voter and the issue is that every brand of bottled lemonade is too sweet

turnip at the club. i repeat, turnip at the club. this is not a drill: its specifically a turnip we just went over this

its called the "brothel" cause they feed you secret broths that get you Turnt

Yeah, I follow a couple accounts that are out-of-network. I pay a premium per post but the succulent juices they provide are worth it

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

strong mental wards may benefit you in the short term, but have you Considered how much they harm your local hivemind?

hate that when i need steel wool i have to buy a huge pack from a store. there should just be an enormous ball at the centre of town from which we each might draw fistfuls, according to our need

All of my commas are hand selected and placed, delicately, with the aid of tweezers and jeweler's loupe

Master refused to pay for protection runes until gnomes snuck into the keep and deconstituted all our orange juice

tag yourself im problem purée

training my body ruthlessly so I can be the first to spring to my feet and shout BRAVO! at the end of the opera

mouse in my apartment is bespectacled today. it's filing documents

Me: wow I feel so good today :o

*I remember The Pressures I'm under, causing one damage per second*

Me: augh. oof. hngh.

let them jump, springform, from cakedish

theres a song in my heart but its under copyright so the Government is having it surgically removed

Da boss asked me to secure the joint. So I clamped a ham, see? Really turned the screws, really braced the whole hog

My schemes bring all the viziers to the yard

bacon should be grown in wedges for ease of consumption. when I am Food King this shall come to pass

When a human is vaporized, the bacteria previously colonizing the body remain in such high numbers that they can continue to walk around for several minutes and even produce speech in some cases

tomorrow they're going to reduce me into a thick soup

The light in old flashbulbs comes from the little demon inside opening a rift to heaven until God notices the draught and slams it shut

The lab boys discovered that posting drains a body's store of Good Iron, rendering one limp and febrile for several hours

In continental Europe, the only thing people eat are wafers with hazelnut & chocolate creme, which they crunch as cows at the cud

water contains at least 70 percent moisture

My Good Yeoman is distributing stout pikes amongst the population. Good Yeoman! What manner of mischief do you set your hand to?

Our local wizard banned flash photography of his tower because the "heavenly emanations" gave him "wicked migraines"