Chito (reads like Cheeto)

I'm afraid I have only two emotions left. Loathing and nausea.

I feel great, except for my body and my mind

They keep asking me to take cognitive tests every couple months because I'm so good at them, they want to see if I can beat my high score

Just once I’d like an athlete to say “hail Satan” at the beginning of a post game interview, is that too much to ask

Airport security is jealous of my sword

jerking off under the covers lest the Lord see my sins

i used chatgpt to raise my baby and in their first year they tried to kill me eleven times

Today we are unleashing Skynet, from the famous science fiction movie "Don't Create The Skynet"

“Why, yes, that *is* a boner in my pocket, *and* im happy to see you. No, it’s not mine.”
- Dr Frankenstein

Scientists now believe that the human brain--a magic goo for worrying--can also be used to do other things

rudolph’s brother had a light up dick but they wouldn’t let him lead the sleigh team because of the optics

Buster from the tv show ‘Arrested Development’ holding an arm full of plushies while he looks at his mother Lucille, saying, “these are my awards, mother, from FIFA.“

Who has made this 🤣

Checked my calendar for tomorrow and unfortunately there is a day there

Preview of news program with title "who should be fed chair?"

Nobody. I do not think you can eat chair

well look, at least it’s not like [is handed a note from someone off camera] well folks, at least it is [is handed another note from someone off camera] anyway, things are bad, but it could be [is handed another note from someone off camera] as I was saying, we should be [is handed another note from

Starting to have some doubts that "bird" is, in fact, the word.

I apologize for nothing says man who has a lot to apologize for

*mouthful of asbestos

I’m having the time of my life.

It’s bad for your mental health to know stuff

With a little love, we can make this house invasion into a home invasion.

you can always x, it’s always morally correct meme saying you can always break a man’s Meta glasses, it’s always morally correct

You’ll note there’s no passionvegetable

asking the orb what the intricate carvings on oreo cookies mean

Two very innocent Xmas angels

When she boutta hark on it

stop trying to show me my year in review. what i did the past year is none of my business.

If your date is more than 30 minutes late, you’re allowed to start having sex without them.

I don’t care if it’s a lunch date. Those are the rules.

Nathan Fielder tweet “Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of friends. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.”

HBO Max putting out a remastered version of this post where you can see the friends

Nice self. Be a shame if you... sabotaged it...

riding off into the sunset but it’s just reverse cowgirl on a westward facing balcony