Nom de Benoît

Is it wrong to regift old free massage coupons from your ex?

i like rpg video games because you will kill a bear that's been granted power and driven mad by an exiled god, and when you search them for whatever diabolical artifacts that they might carry it's something like a turnip and a bottle of wine

I think the Friends spin-off, Joey, would have been more successful if they called it Trials and Tribbianis

assert dominance at yoga class by farting before you've even started the first pose

i want more money put towards medical research so that one day we may finally discover a cure for hulkamania

every office has that one lady who’s always bundled up in a blanket. if you don’t see one in your office, it’s because it’s you.

I need an AI that will stop my LinkedIn posts from sounding like Acadamy Awards acceptance speeches

in my day nazis held soup ladles, not office

did chumbawamba ever get up again?

I’m glad the sun is dying. It’s so annoying.

“Oh, I get it now,” I say when I don’t get it but I want the interaction to end.

Just getting back from finding the remote deep in my couch cushions, where I reigned as king of Narnia for 15 years

i talk a big game for someone who has never battened down a single hatch

Batman’s cool and all but…forever?

This too shall smash or pass.

is a joint a dumpling or a burrito?

You come to me on this, the day the boys are back in town?

i guess the tiktok refugee thing was good practice for what's to come

I’m afraid the emails have found me

the only red hat-wearing crook i care about stealing the Panama Canal is Carmen Sandiego

i appreciate when a dog raises a paw to shake hands before they're given a treat, like they're doing a little business deal

She’s a ten but she’s also the final boss.

How you became Bob Saget requires at least three seasons and a Christmas special

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

a flock of birds flying through a cloudy sky with the word travis in the corner . Alt: a kettle of vultures circling above.

all the tasks I said I would "circle back to in the new year"

I enjoyed this every step of the way

Like a bowling ball

Two nostrils at once or nothing at all

that "stuck in the middle with you" scene from reservoir dogs, except it's me in my boxers slicing off chunks of leftover christmas ham at 1am