Pessimus Prime

Just a small clarification would've helped immensely

This and Shaznay from All Saints having the alphabet, in order, running through her at all times

I'm not sure, but they were insistent on wanting to do it / to have it

Personally think the Spice Girls could've spent less time affirming that they were going to tell us what they wanted and more time clarifying what it was that they wanted

But have they been old?

As an adult I've had fewer yabadabadoo times than the Flintstones led me to believe would be the case

Volcanoes aren't perfect. The flaw is lava

Me: I know life's important lessons. I never put all my eggs in the same basket. I'm known as 12 Baskets Jeff down at the grocery store.
Clerk: We call you "the basket moron"
Me: That's right, [a single tear rolls down my cheek] 12 baskets Jeff...

Put my mate through one when we were younger. He wasn't massively impressed at the time but I'll ask for you

“David, who shall we invite to the wedding?”

“Bono. Ono. Eno.”

“I love you, you unstoppable conceptual bastard.”

they call me Captain Pedantic, although technically i'm not a captain

Words containing "meow"

Meow
Meows
Meowed
Homeowners
Meowing

Nothing can prepare you for the disappointment you feel on discovering that a Venus Fly Trap is too small to help you dispose of the corpse.

Hey team, welcome back to "Maths time" with me, your boy Pythagoras. Today I've got a sweet hack for calculating the side lengths of triangles. WHAT?! OMG!!! Don't forget to subscribe and SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON! Triangles? More like KNOWangles! Amirite???

As far as I can tell a huge amount of "influencers" are people who didn't pay attention at school telling other people who didn't pay attention at school stuff that they would've learned if they'd paid attention at school. Wish I hadn't paid attention, now I might be rich

*Ahem* not everything needs to be Biscoff

Making a podcast about how to write kids' books for celebrities

I'M IN!

*nodding* octagonal chess

Have you never head of FOUR-A-SIDE?

Ask her afterwards

This is EXACTLY what the fifth guy would say

I cannot think of a situation that requires Five Guys. Five guys is too many guys

IN YOUR FACE, DAD

I used to write amazing monkey puns but I've gibbon up

It's T. Hanks Giving Day! 115 years since Tom Hanks invented America! On this special day, Tom Hanks sneaks into every house and leaves a copy of one of his DVDs to celebrate. Good girls and boys will be hoping for Philadelphia or Forrest Gump, and not Angels & Demons

Moving back from the country due to a previously undiagnosed peach allergy

Bit late to tell me now

Moving back from the country due to a previously undiagnosed peach allergy

This is anti-robot