Mostly Harmless

Wish I lived in the 1950s. I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

Recently learned that 50% of men surveyed believe they could land a commercial aircraft in an emergency, and knowing this has helped me understand a lot of the emails I get at work.

Life Hack: Make your water taste better by pouring it over coffee grounds.

If news was released today of asbestos being hazardous, there's a pretty distinct subset of the population who'd waste no time posting pics of themselves snorting it or sleeping in it just to stick it to the man.

My son told me he was awarded the Leslie Neilson badge at school. I asked “What's that?” He said, “It's a big building with lots of kids, but that's not important right now.”

Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.

Remember: Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this occasion.