Holy Snail

Ok America. What the fuck?

Was inspired to set a new #lifegoal today.

It would at least give a use for all the sad, lonely odd socks.

The Christmas binge is already in full swing. Prawn crackers and miniature heroes for breakfast. Pray for my poor body.

Russell Brand: "our father who art in heaven and that. Please forgive my trespassing that my mr.winky made me do"

God: "fuck off Russell you rapey grifter. Also I'm not real"

Better take your red shoes, so you know you can get back home.

You have only taught me this now. Talk about a slow-burn!

I long for the days when my Christmas party involved 10 billion shots and hours of dancing, and I could still function the next day. TLDR: Boohoo I'm old.

Mmm mmm. Lettuce

Oh my gosh. How beautiful. You must have made something really special.

He's on here now!

Fairy lights just make everything better

Dear everyone. If you are parked on the opposite side of the road, PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR STUPID LED HEADLIGHTS.

Aren't Labour currently deporting a lot of asylum seekers that the Tories failed to process? Whatever your view on it, it's a bit hypocritical of Kemi to be acting like they would be the ones to take action!

Feeling really inspired after a health coaching workshop today. I will be a better slime-producer tomorrow!

We’re now at 23,860 members…

…and I just want to say a massive thank you to all the people who signed up and joined over the past week.

This is how we build the community and the power to get back to where we belong. ❤️

I think you would find a LOT of people lose religion if that happened. You know, the rich ones.
Maybe then they would find the one true slime.

I am OBSESSED with non-alcoholic fruit ciders! Absolute game-changer for me.

Me: takes weight loss drugs to be a skinnier snail

Also me: eats 4 bags of sweets on top of the drugs, so now I feel extra sick.

YouTube video by Roamin Abaht FASCINATING AIDA Dogging

youtu.be/9-lQ11igLI0?...

Finally a rap battle will be decided in the proper forum: a court of law.

Preach. They make my little millennial ex-stoner heart happy and I DON'T CARE.

Immediately sang it to the correct tune. Will now be lodged in my brain for days.

You need to invent a monster trucks variation, which involves lying down drinking wine.

I feel like I'm really contributing to this statistic today.

Is that your secret blend of herbs and spices!?!!? I need to clean my teeth.

Wowee a bit of sunshine makes such a difference to my wellbeing. Even if it does dry out my slime a little.
I hope you're all having a sunny, slimy day!

Now you're thinking like a billionaire!

I'm pretty sure this time we get nuclear war.