Bong Rip Van Winkle

I know I’m old and out of touch but if the band is wearing earplugs and the bartenders are wearing earplugs and the whole audience has to buy $3 ear plugs… why are shows so loud?

Fruit by the foot?

Well, I guess they just declared war on us, but it was either that or having a Black character in Star Wars

This is the most Kirk Van Houten coded post of all time

We don’t have to iterate. We could tear it all down. We could start fresh.

We could

Fox Mulder from X-Files saying “Hey, you got to stay alive if you want to stick it to the government”

“If you die, you let them off the hook.”

Needed this reminder today.

How is such an even split??

How is it that we just happen to always disagree by approximately 50% of the population so we’re constantly teetering on this perilous knife edge?

I just don’t believe we’re not playing with a rigged deck anymore. I don’t believe in the “American experiment” at all.

Heels? Oh you mean bread butts. You’re stealing both that loaf’s cheeks.

"First responders" needs to be abolished from style guides because its purpose is to smuggle cops into a category that includes EMTs and firefighters.

The phrase is deliberate copaganda that allows abusers to borrow an aura of respectability from other groups.

Yeah but our police carry guns.

Well that’s because the women are doing the dibbling. The males simply receive the dibles, thus “man-dibles”

Science education in this country is truly insufficient if you don’t know that already.

[in the sewing supply store]

I see thread people.

I hope #worldscolide leads to more bilingual wrestling coverage. More shows should casually switch back and forth, rly #wwe

At first I was skeptical of the Elump breakup, but if this is a work it’s art.

I mean… yeah. If my choices are Flaming Dumpster or Old Bathwater? Yes. Bathwater wins every time.

A stupid president once said, “If you don’t like it here, leave.”

Time to self deport, my guy.

Everyone on Bluesky is reacting to a flaming dumpster yet refuse to climb into the garbage inferno? Fascinating.

One of the greatest deceptions of our time is the false narrative that we should be more concerned about a poor person misusing the welfare system or an immigrant being here illegally than we are about the ultra wealthy abusing the system and cruel people having unchecked power over all of us.

Casually googling ‘where is Albania’ at the Albanian Festival

A gross little green guy. A real horror show. Like if a frog could do meth, but not just once— like a frog with a long term meth addiction. He’s green. He’s twitchy. He’s lanky. He’s gross. Probably pretty sticky but that’s hard to be certain from an image. Big freaky eyes.

That is clearly Gollum from the 1977 classic Rankin Bass animation, The Hobbit.

It was a last resort

Not to be unhelpful, but have you considered learning to sew?? Being able to make things I like that actually fit my body in fabrics that aren’t 80% plastic has been a game changer.

My gym goth husband just described his pre workout to me. It’s 12 chocolate covered espresso beans and two weed gummies; he calls it a Bisexual Speedball.

Follow me for more fitness tips.

Me to movie studios: I hate when remakes change too much stuff about the original story—

Studio execs: Say less, babe. No, really.

Trying to imagine how a French person would pronounce “teriyaki”

More foods should be quantified in lumps.

Why did we stop at sugar when there are so many more lump-able things to eat??

Opinion | Trump Is Waging War on the Future

my column/essay this week is on the administration's war on the future, what that means, and the obligation anti-trump americans have to articulate a robust vision of an egalitarian future in response. read/share/etc.

www.nytimes.com/2025/05/21/o...

I still can’t believe the pope was willing to meet with JD Vance after what happened last time

I stg he doubled up on the blush to look extra lovable and kawaii for it

Logan Paul has the easygoing charm of a meth dealer who thinks you’ve stolen his lighter. #wweraw

I am large; I contain multitudes

#metgala2025 #wweraw