Tvångsmässig återpostare

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Killar som kan förklara saker åt andra killar utan att eg kunna något uppfinner en robot som förklarar saker bättre än någon kille utan att eg kunna något. Plötsligt är alla killar lägre stående än förklaringsmaskinen. De har uppfunnit en killgud som eg inte kan något.

If my posts are bad it's because I don't want to train the AI how to post good

some of you have never had to dial a rotary phone in a ghost related emergency and it shows

It's time for a clean slate. I forgive everyone on this website starting...now

Ever since I saw the movie Jaws I’ve been terrified of going into the ocean with a canister of compressed air in my mouth.

I honestly can’t think of anything worse than if it were raining men

[Guy who learned from a viral post 37 minutes ago that murder is way down since 1990] Frankly it’s staggering that people don’t know the extremely basic fact that murder is way down since 1990

Summer is an excellent reminder that I was supposed to get in shape before summer

Wife: can you call the sitter and ask if she’s available this weekend?

Me *calls sitter*: I want you to have my babies

Wife: give me the phone

(me at an orgy)

Oh mister super large penis must think he's really something huh? But can he do this?!

(plays heartbreaking rendition of Puccini's Nessun Dorma on his concert kazoo)

Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out "hey, asshole." They'll all turn and look.

him (a man of wealth and taste): please allow me to introduce myself.

me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo

him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here

me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news

me: *keeps bumping the back of my hand against his so he’ll hold it*

Grim Reaper: quit it

DATE: i like guys who are sensitive

ME: (trying to impress) my teeth hurt all the time

I thought I didn't like puns until I found your account!

During our meeting in New York today, Zohran Mamdani produced a large handsaw and cut a circle around my chair, causing me to fall through the floor to the level below. "Why are you doing this?" I pleaded with him. "Because I'm muslim and communist" he replied

You may be thinking "How can an entire political party be organized around the policy of taking from everyone and giving to the rich? No one would vote for them." Well that's where Lying comes in

It's disorienting living in the Wile E. Coyote portion of a country's life cycle. We ran off the cliff but haven't plummeted down yet. We're just now starting to hold up the big YIKES sign

If other evidence wasn't enough this is all the proof you need that tech billionaires are, above all else, stupid. Capitalist democracy made them rich beyond measure and they decided to break it because of memes they saw on the computer

This is genuinely the news every day

Rats I forgot to declare this the Summer of Jim.

I hope you're singing my posts in D minor the way I composed them.

I know what you're thinking and it's not what you think.

Jonas Fröberg: Sveriges järnväg kollapsar – och ingen styr tåget En kommentar av DN:s ekonomireporter Jonas Fröberg om tågen.

”Svensk järnväg är ett lapptäcke av bolag, byråkrati och borttappat ansvar.

Tågen stannar, rälsen bågnar, ersättningsbussarna uteblir – och ingen vet vem som bär ansvaret.” www.dn.se/ekonomi/jona...

Keeping this as a reference and template.

I learned how to play guitar so people would stop inviting me to go camping.

I never invite people into my house, in case they are vampires, or people that want to come into my house