MrCarter3

I like my men how I like my pizza. Extra cheesy and in my mouth.

(Am I doing this right?)

If I can cancel my subscription to your issues that'd be great thanks

Co-worker: I'm offended by the stuff you say..
Me: You should here the shit I hold back

I argued with a squirrel today.

So, I’ve got that going for me.

How can I annoy thee..Let me count thy ways <inspirational>

Friendship 101..If someone talks about others they'll talk about you. You just won't know.

Who keeps pushing snooze on the doomsday clock..

Throws candy corn at you like confetti.

I've been called sweet many times right up until I speak up and defend myself. <grins politely>

Not anti-social but like Hello..please don't sit next to me.

Every time I eat garlic bread I imagine how conflicted of a vampire I would be

Mirror my personality and chill?

I’m spending the afternoon wishing stubbed toes on my enemies.

[abruptly stops playing my air banjo] Oh the intervention is for ME?

Kinda like nap and chill? I'm in AJ😎

Yay! YOU. <derogatory>

Eating salt water taffy..flavor unknown. Let's name it rancid.

I've conquered my demons. Now..what.

I spent the day with me. I kinda like her.

Wanna play dead and chill together..flirting.

Walked into my bedroom in the dark and felt like the furniture had been moved.

I know my debt card be like " you eating again big sexy"

Don't ruin today worrying about yesterday's problem

I've come to the conclusion there is only 1 of me, so I guess I'm endangered or limited edition

Murder, She Wrote

Meme’s, He Replied

Since no one does it anymore, I just sexually harass myself.

Bluesky is officially dead (to me), I haven’t even secured one marriage proposal here.

All I’m saying is my vibrator has never gotten shitty with me over the replies I receive online

I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me

If you can't handle me at my worst...

I seriously don't blame you I'm a fuckin mess