Grace Kelly Kapowski

high and mighty (drunk)

my kids will say something so out-of-pocket it makes perfect sense

making poor choices, hbu?

wanna drink dirty martinis with a cute girly and make out bc we both taste the same and love it

Same, girl. Same

thissss close to signing up for seeking arrangements dot com

me: goddamn it, how am i so hungry again?!

also me: got stoned an hour ago

right into submission

mama needs some fashion treats to feel pretty and the thrill of being a cheapskate treasure hunter

imma fuck around with goodwill’s 99 cent Monday so hard. you don’t even know

walking out of a public toilet i just thoroughly destroyed to pro wrestling entrance music

Monday and Friday are my only days off of work. So yes, Linda, I AM going to smoke a joint on my deck. Gonna go rub one out after too

doing hot girl shit*

*pressing pus outta my teen’s infected finger

Facebook has Are We Dating the Same Guy groups. Bluesky needs Are We Sexting the Same Guy so we can rank his creativity like on Rotten Tomatoes.

friends: let us know when you get home

me: nah, I’m staying at the bar

friends: by yourself?

me: my vibrator can’t make out with me, guys

just watched videos of a pet raven saying “boop boop” and “what the fuck”

not saying i *need* a pet raven, but i need a pet raven

honestly whenever i hear “to protect kids” as a GOP talking point i just hear “to protect me abusing kids”

lol, or a politician?

my daughter is same. we’re definitely raising them to know their value. good for your sister!

sweet dreams or good morrow to the keepers of heavy things

Right?!

if I wrote erotica, which would be more appealing?

A. Autobiographical
B. Fantasy
C. Both

annnnndddd I’m drunk

condolences or congratulations I guess

your stuff is so good!

I hope the skills include laziness lol

maybe i’ll copy my friend and start writing autobiographical smut

her stuff is sooooo good. highly recommend

so jealous of your baking skills

I fuck up break and bake cookies

my kingdom for a man who can bring the same energy to empathy that women bring to faking orgasms

anyways, vodka and lemonade is a summer favorite

tmw is the first time I won’t be taking pics and seeing my kids off for first day of school

first day of freshman and senior year and a little in my feels about it tbh