Pilkin

I’m more of an ointment guy but you do you

There’s something almost fascinating about curiosities

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.

Bringing my chip clip to this wedding in case there’s chips there

“I lost count of how many parts I have years ago”
—The man with infinite body parts

When I asked my wife why she poked the weird squishy thing in the store, her response was simply, “it was on sale.”

Discourse about the Inspector always focuses on how young he is which I never really understood. The guy is 35

The Inspector: No one outlogics the Inspector!

Me: *uses a machine to outlogic the inspector*

It's weird when something happens twice 😂

I liked when Over The Garden Wall did it

Feeling racious 👏

DFW’s The Broom of the System comes to mind

Goomie

I can’t get my three year old to stop toying with the conventions of the medium

I’m trying to explain to my son that I don’t have gaydar, I have gentleman’s intuition

playing a beautiful song on my bugle then smashing it to bits

What’s everyone’s name, pronouns, genus, and species?

Nevermind, I guess my students were messing with me

Jeremy Allen White cast as Gopher in the live action Gopher movie

Trying to comfort my friend, who is having a hard time, by explaining that Thomas the Tank Engine did not appear until the second book in The Railway Series. I display such an intense teary-eyed sincerity that while I do not make her feel better, it is the main thing she thinks about at my funeral.

The most hacky comedians make jokes about Hustle Mustard like “who’s it even for?? Ha ha ha” As if they don’t literally say it in the commercial. it’s mustard for the hardworking man

Everyone at Battle Card University is super dramatic about playing Battle Card. They yell out their next move, some jump into the sky to play a single card. But none of that is necessary, my vibe is more "Go Fish on the porch" and I get straight A's. It's about playing the card game.

Enjoying an American Pilsner: Light

Marlboro light chewables??

I’m inventing a pouch that can also double as a kind of bag, or satchel

I read that as Al, like Al Swearengen

I wanted to read what @emilystjams.bsky.social had to say about the Deadwood movie and lol

Party on Interesting Street

Turning over a large pile of stacks

Idk why the phrase “music only sounds good when the notes are going up” has similar energy as “one stick of gum has 2,000 callories”