Jackie Bouvier

Men fought and died on the beaches of Normandy so their grandsons would be free... to be this.

Standing outside your window holding an economy-size bottle of ibuprofen above my head.

For me, the main message from Brokeback Mountain is that you should only see people a few times a year.

I totally still got it, somewhere.

Now, a message from Julie Lavender Menace:

Milk And Cookies Bingo 7p to floor. Mr. Menace made ladyfingers! Then we'll do Hug And Checkers at the nursing home. God bless.

Perspiring is just your body's way of making sure you don't have too many friends

Tuxedo cats are amazing because they can selectively shed black or white hair depending on the garment they come into contact with.

a poorly drawn cat wearing a silly hat

will you just let me be silly for a sec. there’s this dread so ancient in me

I wish you all could have enjoyed the tweets I've forgotten between the living room and the fridge

I'm going to start a business just to call it Planet Of The Vapes before realizing I don't know a thing about vaping.

Save time and energy by disappearing into a bog.

Come over, I’ll dry hump you while the Spaghetti-Os heat up.

I am as well as I can be considering this administration. However, I am leaving tomorrow to spend 4 beautiful days at the beach in Maine, and I'm stocked up on weed and edibles. So, I truly can't complain. How are you?

Light gray bud vase of orange and yellow flowers in the sun. (Some are tiny adorable daisies)

I thought my 2.5 inch tall bud vase looked pretty in the sun.

Right!!

Super bad idea. 😃

Recently I announced that I'm seeing someone & a guy on here was very unsupportive & kept messaging me abt how it isn't gonna work out, how I should give him a chance, etc, so I blocked him. He then created another acct to message me & say he was upset that I blocked him. Hey guys, don't do this.

I'll never forget the day that I discovered that she was insane.

Cherly Hines photo, headline, excerpt and quote from the WSJ: How Cheryl Hines Went From Hollywood Star to Mrs. MAHA... While she understands that some friends find it stressful to be around her given their opposition to her husband's views, she's struck by the intense hostility of others. "Some people can't even, I don't know, they can't even talk about it. It's really rather strange, actually."

True, the awkwardness of someone you thought was a normal human woman cleaving eternally to an adulterous roadkill-gourmand lunatic bent on erasing every medical advance from the last 100 years despite already causing the deaths of many with no end in sight to his wreckage really IS rather strange

I'm on vacation, bitches!

I’ve been paying into Social Security since I was 17. It was not a donation, so when the time comes — b*tch better have my money.
#HandsOffOurSocialSecurity

Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking the only fix is making it harder to get. Lift the cap, and it stays solvent.

This former model, with no background in history, has been put in charge of curating what is "appropriate" at the National Museum of African American History.

Made it past the first round of interview for a job as a political content writer. Fingers crossed.

I was thinking how unfair it is that only high-achieving young people, the ambitious ones who want to get somewhere, seek out mentors, giving them another advantage, so I'm looking to mentor someone with no ambition, offer tips on half-assing it and just getting by without doing too much damage.

Trumpers: Stop talking about this Epstein & pedophilia—it's a nothing burger

Also Trumpers: Protect laws that let men marry 12-year-olds

They revised "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" and it's just work, the store, and home now

You must learn to walk this way before you can run dmc

be the umlaut you wish to see in your wörds

Sorry I’m late, I was bleaching my eyeballs.

I’ll repost things with typos because I’m busy and don’t have time for any other charity work