Uncle Kermit

Gonna wear my jorts with Sassy Bitch bedazzled on the ass when I go job hunting this week.

I think I forgot how to post good

I teach violin lessons but I have no idea what I'm doing. I charge a lot of money for it too.

I need a best friend about my size so we can dress in matching outfits.

Oh, if I only had one regret. I have literally thousands.

I buy bananas just to let them rot, and attract fruit flies. I love fruit flies.

what's a good job for me that's part time with flexible hours that doesn't offer health insurance or require a degree and that I would enjoy doing

Sorry for bothering you with my unconditional love bro

One month postpartum and I need to nair my moustache before my baby starts thinking I’m daddy

I mean this in the most respectful way.

You losing all your teeth might be a good thing.

I’m just looking for someone to love me and feed me pudding if I lose all my teeth.

someone talk me down from joining threads

being a CEO looks too embarrassing

Yay! YOU. <derogatory>

I refuse to believe I’m in denial.

Have you ever said something so mean you hurt your own feelings

O brothel, where art thou?

I haven't considered it.

I lost like half my testosterone. I think I left it on the bus.

If the Fonz and Magnum PI are reduced to selling reverse mortgages on TV, what hope is there for me?

I'd eat a smurf. The way Gargamel was always going on about it, they must have tasted delicious.

I just want to live walking distance from a bar and a Chinese Restaurant. Maybe two bars, in case I get banned from one.

The word "Bung," is never not funny.

I'm thinking of growing my hair long, then shaving the front, for that Ben Franklin look. He was quite the ladies' man.

Whenever I'm in a Pharmacy, I like to find a secluded place and yell, "Martha, where's the Goddam stool softener?"

I think everyone should wear whatever they want, regardless of age. I personally, am most comfortable in adult size one piece footsie pajamas.

think everyone should wear whatever they want, regardless of age. I personally, am most comfortable in adult size one piece footsie pajamas.

Like a walrus, my thick layer of blubber protects my internal organs from violent attacks.

Sorry. We have reached the point where jokes are not allowed on BlueSky, so if what you're about to type is supposed to be funny, please take it somewhere else. Otherwise, someone will either take you seriously or contradict you. Thank you for your attention to this matter.