Uncle Kermit

My Christmas album was garbage. I did it for the money.

I think I look good with shaved eyebrows but everyone else says I look like I'm dying of cancer.

Let's bring back mesh halfshirts for guys. That was a good look for me in the 80's.

I'm writing a poem about Winter. She's the new stripper down at the club.

The problem with being an angry loner is everyone thinks you're a closeted homosexual.

Instead of chocolate chips or nuts someone should make cookies with chunks of meat in them. Ham for instance.

Gas Station Egg Roll would be a good band name

Gregory Heinz 57

Taking careful aim as the parade passes downtown and splitting Frosty clean in half with an arc of hot yellow piss from a second-story balcony

Bluesky is basically a public record of your mental breakdown.

You are a delicate flower.

I’ll eat cheese with metal in it idgaf

I enjoy Hijinks, but not in front of the children.

What doesn't kill you was trying to kill you stupid. Pay attention.

I think of myself as "Raveshing," but I don't expect other people to call me that.

I’m handsome like a young Jan Michael Vincent, but you don’t hear me crowing all the time. Hero.

Where can I buy gallon cans of that green gravy we used to have in high school?

This may not be the proper arena for this, but I feel it's important to promote the health benefits of sunning your butthole daily.

I wonder if the guy who killed the guy who killed Epstein is still alive?

You never really know someone until you watch them get eaten by sharks.

I’d totally join the Bluesky marching band if we wore crisp white spats and played The Warrior by Scandal

Stay out of my shed. It's for your own good.

A cartoon photo of a man in a crumpled blue car with a man hanging out of the driver’s side holding a liquor bottle

Work training (aimed at 4 yr olds) tryna tell me what to do.

I'm gonna name my son Long Duck Dong no matter what the Judge says.

If I could be a muppet, I'd be that boomerang fish guy. It's a cool talent, plus I'd have a career in show business.

What would jesus do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do?

I'm stymied, or maybe buckwheated?

They Might Be Nephilim

people who leave family gatherings happy are totally unrelatable to me.