Sarah

Left social media to try the real world for a bit. No filters, the vibes were off, and not a single down-on-his-luck prince to appreciate my heart of gold. Unreal.

Actually I did come here to make friends. That’s the main reason I showed up

What do you mean there's other ways to do things besides the hard way?

The lion does not concern himself with gas station bathroom etiquette

as soon as i loosen this belt it's over for you britches

you know what? don’t bring a gun to a knife fight, either. it’s against the rules. immediate disqualification

beware the vibes of march

If you can’t handle me at my worst (wearing my karate headband), then you don’t deserve me at my best (wearing my whole karate outfit)

I'm old enough to know bitter.

doctor says that 97 percent of my microplastics are a result of what he calls “aggressive peanut butter jar scraping”

don't let alliteration dictate what night you have tacos

Welcome to this discussion on DIY Cloning. Make yourself at home.

I’ve given up humility for Lent, and it’s proving to be one of my wisest decisions, and, it must be said, an idea of typically dazzling brilliance.

What your post failed to consider is me, a stranger with bad opinions

WAITER: may i take your order

MARY: i’ll have the lamb

WAITER: what size

MARY: little

WAITER: would you like it to go

MARY: sure, to go

I was sheltered in hs and didn’t know what doggy style was, so I told a waitress that was how I wanted my leftovers packed up

hold on, i need to be five years old finding out it's parachute day in gym class for a minute

DOGE’s website is going to say it saved american taxpayers an hour of daylight

Been feeling a lot sexier since I realized that all my t-shirts are crotchless.

Nice girl you got there. Be a shame if someone put her on a pedestal.

I don't fear death but I do fear being reintarnated as a hillbilly.

With a little love, we can make this house invasion into a home invasion.

hey could everyone please boycott the costco down the street from me for about an hour starting in the next eleven minutes

in honor of international womens day today will be 21.5 hours long

Shhhh . . . quiet! Someone who doesn’t have their life together is giving advice.

At my age the only threesome I'm interested in is two people pitching in to help me mow the lawn.

My autobiography is just going to be a bunch of CVS prescription receipts stapled together.

The best things in life are free but they are harder to get than the worst things in life, which are also free and in much greater supply.