Dad

Good for both of you!

Sometimes we realize stuff.

Brutal.

I aim to misbehave.

It’s my day and I’ll cry if I want to.

And we were HAPPY

Grandiloquent Word of the Day logo - Sepia-toned graphic with a baroque Victorian typeface and a pen-and-ink illustration of a dapper young man leaning against a wall.

Sprauncy [SPRAHN-see] or [SHPRAWN-see]
(adj.)
-Smart or showy in appearance; dapper.
-Showily dressed; fashionable.

Used in a sentence:
“Well get a load of Mr. La-dee-da sprauncy-pants over there with his surtout and top hat! Just who does he think he is?”

First day in prison, establishing myself as mitochondria

My children have learned that when I say “fun fact…” what follows will not be fun for anybody but me

No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.

The end of Daylight Saving Time is fun because we get to enjoy an extra hour of the dumbest time in history.

You guys wanna get hepped up on espresso beans and listen to James Taylor

You could be the pencil to my cassette tape but you playin'

Trying out quantum entanglement as a new excuse for why I’m running late to work

A cat lounges on its back like a people on a brown couch dressed up in a blue hooded onesie with cookie monster decals on the feet and holding a plate of cookies.

How your email finds me..

Hot damn.

Good News! Get those prostates checked, people.

I would party with these two.

Even if I knew, I would still make my kid explain it just because I would find it hilarious.

My favorite thing about winter is that my skin looks like it’s been dusted with Parmesan

I do this, but off the bed.

Those milestones can be so strange to feel. ❤️

10/10 dadding

Brilliant!

Repost with your earliest childhood crush from film/tv

Sleep in a few more minutes. We don’t have to rush into the day.

Feeling completely disconnected from every facet of society isn’t as liberating as I’d hoped.

Bluesky invite codes are now like zucchini you leave on someone's porch.

It’s OK, there are plenty of other things.