Beloved Snack Rat

Everything I don’t like is a psy op

Your kid is doing a psy op

I’ve decided to become “Mr. Potato Chips”

Neil I’ve already read it, you don’t have to keep selling me on what an epic bacon awesome sauce book it is.

I live in Sweatpants City

It’s taking a gap year

I love both despite this very accurate criticism

Cozymaxxing secret origin post

I’d rather be Cozymaxxing

Excellent day for Cozymaxxing, so thankful I had the foresight to invent it

I’ve invented Cozymaxxing

Her hair is so cool and dramatic

Finally watching Train to Busan, holy shit

Friendship: exchanged

RIP Thick Dick Dilb

I like to call my friends "Big Dawg" even if in reality they're a lil dawg

I am At War with my brain

Good news about the temperature in my apartment right now

Current status: referring to anyone who expresses an interest in something as a “(blank) pervert”

IE if I see you reading, you’re a “book pervert”

I learned this from my friends and I will neither stop nor apologize

There is only one emoji I trust and it is 🐸

I am currently working on “Waltontology” which is my Goggins themed coffee table book

Is Walton there

I never skip the recap in a new episode of Fallout because I always need a lil more Walton Goggins in my life

RIP that bird's dick

After giving the matter careful thought, I can't recommend sneezing with a mouthful of food. 2 stars

The single best thing about the internet is when the Onion posts something and every response to the post is a different kind of dude trying to out-Onion the original post

For years, I’ve been photoshopping myself into family photos at my friends’ homes, then replacing the original with the improved version, and no one has caught me yet

This is how good I am at photoshop

Building a custom version of Guess Who? where every character my opponent sees has been replaced with a tasteful photo of me and every character I see is an unflattering photo of my opponent