‘Ol Melissaround

Sometimes you just wanna 'nya', you know?

Drop a 'whoop' or a 'moo' out of nowhere to get that vocal stim out of the way.

Maybe chew on something you shouldn't be chewing on and give it a harsh twist and crunch.

You know?

Just yeen things.

Mash up bands:

Dave Matthews Nails

hard to see someone else living your dream, but I'm happy for you

Big day for me. A box I've been saving for over 3 years was just perfect for something

job interviewer: so what would you say your greatest weakness is?
me: i probably change my cats water way more than I need to

Put in wood floors and now my dog's name is Daisy Tapdancing Christ

Thinking of Buschemi being in charge of celery marketing.. was that Portlandia?

That commercial is a hot topic in our home. None of us has ever had cottage cheese. Why is the commercial aired so frequently?

just saw a cottage cheese commercial that shows two teens eating cottage cheese while gaming. it’s possible that i’m out of touch with today’s youth but i don’t know about that one

I bought a book today that was shrinkwrapped and there was a "now a Netflix movie" sticker ON THE BOOK not the shrink and its a sticker that tears if you try to take it off and I think everyone involved in approving this should be in an oubliette.

INTERVIEWER: describe yourself

ME: you know that feeling when you press the button in an empty elevator and wait for the doors to close

Ralph from the Simpsons sitting on a bus. Caption is (chuckles) I’m in danger

how it feels to post a joke on here

My signature move is apologizing for making it weird when it wasn’t even weird, thus making it weird

Picture of a 45 vinyl record of The Lemon Pipers ‘Green Tambourine’

I remember playing this record on my Smurf record player as a wee lass.

LMNOP Gang

HEY!

Don’t forget to change out your water bottle for a clean one!

That is all.

Might need to pull a George Costanza and take a nap under my desk.

How many times were you ‘the babe with the power’?

im not entirely sure if anyone has ever made me want to shoop or not

Klonopin! At the grocery store

I don’t like using the word ‘pussy’ or talking about my own, but this needed to be talked through with my closest friends. Thank you for listening and caring. ❤️

‘Pussy purse’ was the only words I could think of to define what it was in that moment. Like a coin purse.

Anyone else ever experience this? And, yes, I’d showered that night, so no Velcro-type cheese jokes are needed. Gross, guys.

I sleepily got out of bed, made my way to the bathroom, hovered over the toilet, began to urinate, heard my pussy filling up, then when the seam broke, it flowed as per usual.

I must have been sleeping on my side with my knees together, thighs keeping the vulva secret. Thighs keeping the vulva safe. And pressed together to form a good seal.

I’ve thought about the wording of this phenomenon and don’t often talk about my junk like that, but… it was just an odd experience.

a person is holding a box of pills in their hand and saying `` thank you mr president '' . Alt: Woman is holding a box of pills in their hand and saying `` thank you mr president''. Clip from Grandma’s Boy.

The lady from Grandma’s Boy who has a tackle box full of prescription drugs and answers, “Spaceship” to simple questions? That’s future me.

Sure are a lot of people analyzing their farts lately.
Speaking of.. I had an opposite moment when I tooted and it smelled just like IHOP just served me breakfast. 🤔 💭

an elderly woman wearing a hat and earrings is talking to a bald man in a hallway . Alt: Elaine Stritch answering a man with, “Whoooooooo cares?!” From the movie Screwed (2000) starring Norm MacDonald.

This is a frequent random outburst from me.