Me Getting Killed

nice pit. do you nest here or is just for bones?

everyone gets so mad when you vomit up a bird and then it flies away but it's still alive what are you even complaining about come on man

Go To Bed On Time My Ass (I Won’t Go To Bed On Time)

Dudes will be sat in they living room like watching the tele not a freaking care in the world like they go to the fridge for a swig of milk then they go look down the sink drain to see what kind of bugs are crawling around in there

Sorry if I seemed weird earlier, I was in the middle of an ancient revenge dance

My dentist made me spit out the nuts and seeds I keep in my cheeks when I went in for my checkup and I think her tech ate like half of them before she gave them back. Worried I won’t survive the winter now

Nailed it again, Time Magazine!

thats impossible- jennifer hamburgers wears glasses

YOUR PARENTS: (seeing neighbors do literally anything) Just what are you up to you nasty old bitch

Panel 1: Mike runs behind a liquor store. The alley is grimy—overflowing dumpsters, broken crates, and a wet mattress oozing mystery fluid.
Mike: (thinking) Gotta hide… can’t let that cob roller see my face. Panel 2: He looks up & freezes. A ragged circle of sketchy fighters is mid-brawl. One guy swings a pipe into another guy’s skull.
SFX: CRACK
Mike: (tiny) …What in the fuck? Panel 3: Everyone turns to Mike. The guy with the cracked skull is face-down, unmoving.
Fighter #1: Intruder.
Fighter #2: You have breached the sacred dojo. Panel 4: Mike puts his hands up, backing toward the wall.
Mike: Whoa, nice little head-smashing cult you got here. I’ll just, uh, not be here.
Fighter: (off-panel) Bring out Slab. Panel 5: The crowd parts. Slab enters: shirtless, duct tape fists, an old fencing mask, and track pants jammed into combat boots.
Slab: You step into the circle. You fight or die.
Mike: (off-panel) Gulp! Panel 6: Mike gets shoved into the circle, and
Mike: Perfect. I’m about to die fighting a reject from a Mad Max porno… behind a liquor store. Panel 7: Slab wallops Mike.
SFX: WHACK
Mike: Hhkk…fuckin’ ow- - Panel 8: Officer Brogan charges in, baton raised.
Brogan: Hault! This violates Municipal Code 9.14-B: Unlicensed Combat within city limits! Panel 9: The fighters glance at each other.
Fighter #3: He just mocked the dojo.
Fighter #4: He dies now. Panel 10: Classic cartoon-style fight cloud explodes: a massive dust swirl with fists, feet, a baton, and a boot sticking out. Mike watches and bleeds.
Mike: Praise Jebus for these violent, trash angels.

Run, Skrode, Run (2/5): Dumpster Dojo, guest starring Mark from @megettingkilled.bsky.social #webcomics #comicsky #spiderbarks

i love the character Yelena in Thunderbolts and i hope in the next movie they introduce her classic nemeses, Moose and Squirrel

oi groims ded ya heah oi pecked a foit weth the prisidint

reverse cowgirl and i am not involved, i’m actually across town talking to a guy about an ATV

Mark listens to some music.

just found out my cousin spins records at a club in vegas under the name DJ HugeLunch. His thing is he always talks about what a big meal he had earlier and how he won’t be hungry again for a while. He’s the wealthiest person in our family by an order of magnitude

One time I saw some shit that was like “damn” but there was no way to prove it

the happy birthday song has a second verse about the spanish american war that’s extremely racist

A dog looks on despairingly as a skunk eats out of their bowl.

Checkmate.

Mark comes out of his shell.

The older I get the more I feel like booted eagles or "true eagles"[25][31] have feathered tarsi (lower legs).

she say me eat from the trash

they showed him as a baby on CNN

Nathan Fielder is a genius at tricking the news to advertise his shows

Murder mysteries are so predictable. It's always the culprit..

pied piper real?
pied pipers near me
pied piper cost
how much to lead my kids into the ocean w flute

Good artists borrow
Great artists steal
-Me

millenials had chatgpt too, but we called it Typing something into babelfish and translating it through every language and then back to english so we could laugh at how stupid it was

My goal is to slowly lower each of you down towards the erosive bubbling liquid of my thoughts until you beg for mercy