Mazza

this episode of existence today is brought to you by the letters wtf

It takes a village to raise an idiot.

somebody call adult rock and tell him to come get his dumbass kid.

a book with an attached guy with his back facing us and facing towards the ocean on the beach that is illustrated on the book. The book title is 'me giving up and walking into the ocean with all of my clothes on' and in a starburst 'i mean, seriously just fuck it all...'

A cat sleeping on a bike route sign.

Evidently, you can teach a cat to ride a bicycle!

Saying "I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize" should pretty much be a disqualification in and of itself for winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Lager is unparalleled in making me not give a shit

This is how I hoped life would turn out *sobs quietly*

I do not respond well to people ignoring me or paying attention to me.

Mr. Speaker is it a good idea for humans to have sex with chimpanzees?

Speaker: I’m not the zoologist so I’m not following that day-to-day

Supposed to be a big ICE protest at work tomorrow by a group called SALT. It took me way too long to get the joke.

"God is dead"
-Nietzsche

"Nietzche is dead"
-God

"Meep Meep"
-Beaker

Fckn cowards

Remember kids, it’s always morally correct to pepper spray Nazis

Most people don't want to be billionaires. They just want to live in cum fort.

You basically just have to babysit yourself for your entire life

What the fuck

Just invented a new app to help you deal with annoying coworkers. It's not so much an app as it is a toaster on a bike chain that you swing around your head

LMAO at the use of too, you are not supposed to grant the premise dude

No songs in English should not be allowed.

This only makes sense if 'No Songs in English' is the name of the artist or the song title.

it was the best of times it was the worcestershire of times

"I suffered so the folks who come after me should have to too" is a sickness a lot of folks have that i do not understand at all. I want to help the folks coming after me have an easier time than i did coming up

Rise up. Don’t be silenced! 🔇

Trump uses government shutdown to dole out firings and political punishment President Donald Trump has used the government shutdown to reshape the federal workforce and target detractors.

Trump calls shutdown an “Unprecedented opportunity.”

Doesn’t sound much like a guy fighting to keep the government open…

#RadioFreeAmerica

apnews.com/article/trum...

Comedian goes to Saudi Arabia - and beyond!