Draconian Hustle

Always bring a flare gun with you before entering a corn maze, just in case

Yeah, try explaining to everyone why your turtle shell is smashed & flat now

We assume a ghost is evil when it knocks things off shelves, but maybe it’s just really clumsy

Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL

The next lines?…

🎶 I just want a bite, & can make you live long

🎶i’m all out of blood, i’m so lost without you🎶

-vampires, probably

Mr. Peanut was recently diagnosed with osteoporosis. Now he's Mr. Peanut Brittle.

A yellow caution with a stick figure in mid fall. Paper with an alien ship has been taped to the top so the man looks as if he is being abducted by an alien ship.

I’m going to bring a flare gun in this corn maze… just in case

Bring a flare gun, just in case

[Law and Order: Earth, Wind, and Fire Unit]

DETECTIVE: do you remember where you were the 21st night in September

Next time ask the caller if they know the answer to some random trivia question, for a chance to win concert tickets or something.

Then when they don’t know, just say thanks for playing & tell them you will have to go to the next caller.

And instead of a cool grappling hook gun, he now fights crime with one of those old person-EZ reacher grabber sticks

Clark

Before breakfast, Bill Banister brought Betty big boxes of bratwurst, brisket, and braised beef, as well as banana bread, buttermilk biscuits, bottles of Budweiser beer, and buckets of baked beans for the big biannual barbecue behind Benjamin Brown's barn by Bethlehem Baptist.

I guess I don’t get out much
I haven’t even seen the first six movies

No one's ever called me a handsome devil but I have been told I look like hell.

DETECTIVE: Sir, Madam, we have reason to believe your child was involved in a burglary last night.

HIM: Our son?

ME: [first day as a cop] No lol, that’s when you set fire to something.

For the record, every time I’ve been to Hooter’s, it’s been as a FBI informant.

I’m all out of grub, I’m so lost without food

True story, I have a 26.2 sticker on my truck & I have had people ask me if it’s a bible verse, tire sizes, gun calibers or lots of other dumb stuff

I put on my pants just like Winnie the Pooh

Went 0-1 in my bear wrestling career. RIP in pieces, me.

My swear jar is filled with IOFUs

In a dramatic scene playing cards against Bond, he barely manages to beat you after you pull a Draw 4 Uno card

You know if Jurassic Park was real, some idiot would get eaten while trying to take a selfie with a T-Rex or Velociraptor

Some people are about a dependable as wet toilet paper