Algonquin K Farquhar II

Cat Cora never wins her Iron Chef battles because every time she finishes a dish, she pushes it off the counter.

Wild rice is just regular rice that's testing societal boundaries.

A Huell Howser grandfather clock that says "That's amazing!" every hour on the hour.

I miss my Grandma. Do they make cigarette scented air fresheners?

LOL in that case, I suggest throwing your phone into a river, faking your own death, and starting a new life in Mexico.

Nooooo!

I hear season 4 is in the can.

I'm only on season 3 of Hvordan Jeg Møtte Din Sild so no spoilers, please.

Dill pickle, Edward. Farewell, commoners.

Block as spam

COMMANDER RIKER: computer, load program "Sizzler Family Steakhouse, 1997"

Tsingtao flavored Lay's potato chips

I'm drunk

Dealing with an intractable mustard algae bloom: mmm, hot dogs

“Cut film to vent.” What am I, Gordon Ramsay?

Are you there Cthulhu?It's me, Blob.

Can't. Watching some dude live stream a full 13hr flight from Shanghai to San Diego on Microsoft Flight Simulator.

Head of lettuce sounds like a big responsibility.

Enjoying the flavors of the season by sprinkling a couple of fistfuls of fresh pine needles over my oatmeal each morning.

Told a random Boomer at Costco “Happy Holidays” and he immediately burst into flames

I can’t watch Rudolph without thinking that jolly snowman is going to pull a flask from his green vest, fly into a drunken rage, and start throwing his little snowman hands while ratting out Santa to HUAC

I sincerely don't know how to answer that question.

this but in Latin

Rice grain kanji man, save me

Save me, rice grain kanji man

I don't know who needs to hear this but, give away all your belongings and go to the Venice Beach boardwalk in Southern California. There is a man who runs a tourist stall who will write your name in Chinese kanji on a single grain of rice. Find him. He will be your guru.

Husband is out in the road talking to the neighbors across the street but I’m doing my usual duck and hide in the garage because I haven’t forgiven them for knocking on the door unannounced that one time two years back and I’ll not be encouraging that behavior!

This email could have been a temporal wormhole.

🤔

Agreed. 5lbs of bologna isn’t enough.

If you can't fit an entire 5lb bologna tube in your air fryer, it's too small.

let's drill a big hole in the earth and fly planes thru it