Algonquin K Farquhar II

I dunno how you kids can scroll & skeet from your phones. I need a 32" screen, full keyboard, and a pair of readers just to function.

mf'er said "phone data"

Internet/wi-fi is out so I'm posting this using phone data like some shitposter from 2007

It's 95°F today, but I'm sitting in the shade where it's a nice moist 93°F

When I was a kid the wax lip around the Dixie cup was our nighttime treat

My wife is in Lisbon, which is one or two auto-corrections away from a very different scenario.
Anyway, she said she’s enjoying eating the local tarts.

Welcome to the Reluctance

Please...my times. They're very interesting.

I mimeographed my own scathing hot takes and stapled them to everyone’s copy of the Weekly Reader.

It’s like my mom always said: Uncle Keith is your real father

Despite it all, I still believe in a future for myself where everything is copacetic and I experience maximum chill

bluesky is where i get my news,

Missed a call by seconds. Immediately phoned back. No answer. Just chucked your phone in the lake there did you? You living off the grid then? Heard you're a wild man of the forests now. Good for you. Good for you you piece of shit.

A dentist where they also cut your hair and change your oil

I once got out of a speeding ticket in the west lake hills of Austin by telling the 80 year old cop that pulled me over I was concentrating on my kegels and forgot to pay attention to the speed limit
he didn’t even say anything just handed me my license and waved me off

Fellas we know what y’all doin in your “man caves”

why isn’t someone dropping off cake every Caturday to every household
like what are we paying taxes for

guess I’ll heart your stupid comment since you hearted my stupid post

I'll take the weirdos. I'll take 'em.

While you’re having noble and productive thoughts, there’s an old goat sitting on a 3-legged stool playing The Wheels On The Bus on a scratchy fiddle inside my head

my grandma coming to tell me that the mcrib is back.

thinking about posting jokes on here has anyone tried this

Them: [has only ever known their own mental projection of the universe] "Hey"

You: [same but aware of it] "Hey"

Cute little purse. Be a shame if you had to get something out of it.

"Gee honey, before you signed up for bluesky, I didn't realize you were, um, having so many, uh, thoughts."

Some hand-pulled noodles in chili crisp would fix me.

Everyone who reposts this is An Old.

Saved a red dragonfly from a spiders web but it’s on its own it with the resulting lifelong trauma. Good luck little buddy.

The people in the bug spray ad look way too happy.